Jonnie Angel

I see the moon and the moon sees you (a letter for my husband)

2012-01-03T15:52:00.000-08:00

The sun set an hour ago and now it is bitter cold, but the moon is beautiful. It is oddly comforting that the same moon is watching over you while you sleep. What I wouldn't give to be lying there next to you.

I really miss you. I miss everything about you.

Matthew misses you, too. I know he loves me and at the end of the day, he is his mama's boy. But he needs you because I make a horrible father. I know nothing about Legos. Or Star Wars. Or Halo. Or anything to do with the XBox. I'm not tough like you and I'll admit that Matthew knows how to play me like a fiddle. But I'm learning to say no (and mean it!)

I'm sitting here watching a television show that you would never sit down to watch with me in a million years. When you were home, you would hide out and do something else (anything else) just to avoid my stupid show. But at least you were home.

I want you to be home. But for now, I'll have to settle for the moon.

Keeping Christ in Christmas.

2011-12-08T17:14:00.000-08:00

Christmas has become too commercialized. The spirit of Christmas is all but gone and that is just sad. As a matter of fact, I cringe every time I see a particular store's Christmas commercials.

"Ring ding a ding, ring ding a ding, ring me up! This is going to be a great Christmas."

We're in the middle of a recession. Millions of people are out of work and / or are living below poverty level. Layaway does not make a great Christmas. Expensive gifts do not make a great Christmas. We know this. Family makes a great Christmas. But those that made Christmas great for me as a child aren't here anymore. What did they do that made Christmas fantastic?

During the Christmas devotional, President Dieter Uchtdorf explained how he very nearly ruined Christmas. When he was four, he wanted to see how pretty a candle would look behind their shimmery curtains. The curtains caught fire and he just knew that he had ruined Christmas.

Of course, Christmas wasn't really ruined.

Christmas isn't about the gifts or the decorations. Christmas is about celebrating Christ and everything Christ stands for. In my ever so humble opinion, Christ should be celebrated everyday and especially celebrated on Christmas day. Instead, Christmas has become a holiday for sales, crowd control, and credit card debt. Pepper spraying fellow shoppers, stepping over people as they die in the aisle, and camping out instead of celebrating Thanksgiving with your family is NOT how Christ would want us to celebrate Christmas.

So why can't I stop buying gifts for Matthew? (That's rhetorical, mmmkay? Thanks.)

I recently went to Target to go Christmas shopping for a few more things to put under the tree. I had to find the perfect wrapping paper. There had to have been hundreds of rolls to choose from: Santa Claus, reindeer, Charlie Brown, Spongebob Squarepants, paisley prints, and Justin Bieber. What does Justin Bieber have to do with Christmas? Nothing! So why is his face covering rolls of wrapping paper? (Again, rhetorical.)

Christmas is my favorite holiday of the entire year. Mostly because it feels like home. I can still smell Grandpa's word burning stove, feel its heat on my skin. The excitement of knowing that Santa would be coming soon. What would he bring me? The tradition of excitement has been passed on to Matthew. But President Monson asked that we focus on Christ by loving and serving others instead of focusing on the commercial aspect. (Sorry, Justin Bieber!)

“The spirit of Christmas is the spirit of love and of generosity and of goodness,” President Monson said. “It illuminates the picture window of the soul, and we look out upon the world’s busy life and become more interested in people than in things.”

How do we put Christ back into Christmas? Matthew thinks we should recreate a life-size nativity in our living room. Which is an excellent idea, though not very practical. It's hard to teach children to put Christ back into Christmas when they are inundated with all of the latest greatest gizmos and gadgets. The look on Matthew's face when he unwraps his presents is priceless! The twinkle in his eye and the smile that hits his lips when he sees the new toy makes my heart melt.

How can we recreate that excitement without embracing commercialism?

http://lds.org/bible-videos/videos/shepherds-learn-of-the-birth-of-christ?lang=eng

Nobody is perfect and I'm not innocent when it comes to living beyond my means. I need to find a cheaper, more meaningful way to spend Christmas and welcome your ideas.

Who said I'm not crafty? Oh, yeah. That was me.

2011-11-21T19:12:00.000-08:00

My sister-in-law came across some furniture that needed a home. It just so happened that I needed some furniture.

It wasn't ugly. But it lacked character. And the stains would not be removed.

The chair on the left is the "before chair". The right chair is a "mid-after".

I had pulled the back of the chairs off with what my daddy would call "power by Armstrong". What a tremendous pain! What I did not know is that the previous owners had already reupholstered the chairs. So there were staples upon staples that I did not remove. The first chair was my experiment. When it gets reupholstered later, the person is going to be like "WTHeck!".

I wasn't quite sure how I was supposed to get the fabric to stick to the wood backing. The previous people had used a strong glue. I had wood glue and it did not work on fabric.

But you know what does work on fabric?

Duct tape.

True story.

The second chair was previously reupholstered with staples...like from a paper stapler. My heavy duty staple gun staples were too long for the back of the chair. Nobody wants to sit in a chair full of staples. Well, someone might. But that's a personal issue for a later post. But the small little paper staples worked perfectly! And I happen to have a few boxes of them. So I patiently stapled the fabric to the wood backing. If I went too fast, the staples would bend. My patience was tested, but I went real slow.

Really, incredibly slow.

This morning I woke up with a achy fingers and a sore arm. But I was determined to finish this freaking project. I found some nifty little staples for my heavy duty staple gun at Walmart. (Who knew that they came in different sizes.) Then things started moving faster.

The fabric is stapled to the wood backing with 1/4" staples. The backs are stapled to the frame with 5/8" staples...hundreds of staples. If you look closely at the top picture, you can see that I wasn't very careful about hiding the staples. But I found some ribbon to cover them.

The hardest part was pulling everything off of the chairs and then reattaching the seat cushions to the chairs.

Three days later...

Tada!

The bench was purchased at Walmart. It was originally black. I painted it "leather" color. I think it matches perfectly. I'm thinking about getting some cushions that match the chairs.

Later. Much later.

Food Storage and Provident Living

2011-11-19T12:06:00.000-08:00

Recently, the bishop asked me to be the Assistant Provident Living Coordinator. (I know, right? Whoda thunk it?)

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints teaches self reliance and preparedness. The kind sister that helped us at the cannery said that we need to be prepared to assist our relatives and our neighbors. What I was thinking was not at all Christ-like.

But we are commanded to love one another. So there ya go. One of the signs in the cannery caught my attention and I wish I had taken my camera. But, it is in the middle east with my husband. We all have to learn how to do without.

"Get out of debt, pay off your mortgage and get food in your homes." ~ President Gordon B. Hinckley

It should be mentioned that you are not supposed to go into debt trying to buy enough food for an entire year during one trip to the grocery store.

"We ask that you be wise as you store food and water and build your savings. Do not go to extremes; it is not prudent, for example, to go into debt to establish your food storage all at once. With careful planning, you can, over time, establish a home storage supply and financial reserve." ~ The First Presidency, All Is Safely Gathered In: Family Home Storage

We're a chicken and rice kind of family. So most of my food storage is going to be made up of rice. The cannery sells the #10 cans of rice for $3.85 (5.7 lbs). The #10 can of oats is $2.50 (2.6-2.7 lbs). LDS.org recommends that each adult have 25 lbs of grains for one month. But if you build your food storage one week or even one can at a time, it can be done. And make sure you're stocking up on things you'll eat. Otherwise, what's the point?

I didn't go to the cannery last time because I wasn't exactly sure of what was going to happen.

Let me tell you...you don't need to know what you're doing. There is always someone there to help you.

We had a group of five people and even the kids were put to "work". But Matthew and Rachel had so much fun, it didn't really feel like work to them.

We set up an assembly line. The cans were placed on the table and labeled (upside down). They were placed in a bucket and filled, Matthew put the oxygen pack in them and put the lid on top. A cannery worker sealed the lid, and more workers assembled the orders. In a little over an hour and a half, everyone's order was filled and we paid for our order.

This is not my video. But I think it's pretty much what happens at every cannery.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXYjYvzVk8s

On a side note: What is the point of food storage?

Every day I speak with people who have lost their job, or their spouse has lost their job, or their hours have been substantially cut back. Many people I speak with are scrimping and saving and can't afford to buy groceries AND pay their bills AND put gas in their car. If you have the means to build your food storage, consider yourself blessed. Because Armageddon and the Apocalypse aren't the only reasons you'd need to crack open your food storage.

I hate deployments! Hate, hate, hate!!!

2011-10-13T18:42:00.000-07:00

Jaysen has been gone almost two months now. We've done this before, but it just never gets easier.

He called me tonight to tell me that it's going to be a few days before we hear from him again. Which means the next time we hear from him, we'll be on different continents.

It sucks not knowing where he is, what flight he's on, when it landed, what time it landed...and that he's safe. I hate not knowing that he's okay.

Hate it.

Who said I have control issues?

On a side note - I'm going to start visiting teaching soon.

Whoda thunk it?

I made some nifty cards for my lucky ~~victims~~ sisters. October's message is about the Army of Helaman and how they were influenced by their mothers. President Uchtdorf's message during the Relief Society meeting talked about the five points that we should never forget.

The back of it still needs work:

AND!!! Temple prep classes start soon. I'm so stoked! It gives me something to look forward to and something to work towards. What a welcome distraction.

I was having a hard time deciding where I want to get my endowments done. At first, I thought maybe temple square. Then, I thought about the Manti temple. But Grandpa and Grandma were sealed in the Provo temple. How could would that be to be where they were? How I wish the Tabernacle Temple were already open!

Maybe we'll be sealed there. Who knows?

That'll cost how much?!?

2011-09-14T15:20:00.000-07:00

My car died on me last week. Luckily I was idling at Matthew's bus stop and not on my way home from work. The gas gauge was sitting on 1/4 tank, so I figured I wasn't out of gas. Matthew and I walked the three blocks to our house. I grabbed a gas can and my bike and put a gallon of gas in my car. It started and I got it home safely.

Today I took it into a car garage in Palm Coast. I prayed at every stop light that my car would not die on me. Luckily, I made it.

I don't believe this garage to be shady. Jaysen trusts them and that's good enough for me.

However.

I don't think they have my best interest in mind. They are, after all, running a business and will not make money by saving me money.

I asked them to please figure out why my car died and while you're at it, fix my AC. They told me that I need new windshield wipers. Which is true. I could use some new windshield wipers. But that is not why my car died.

Then they said I need new radiator hoses, my brakes need to be adjusted, I need a tune up, the back tires need to be replaced and of course, I'll have to pay for an alignment.

When I dropped the car off, I explained that my money tree had died. I told them from the beginning that I can't afford a lot of unnecessary stuff. They're response? "We offer 6 months interest free financing."

Credit is not the answer. Credit is the reason why this country is in the mess that it is in. Besides, I am closing my credit cards, I don't need new ones.

The problem I have with mechanics is that you pretty much have to take them for their word. I have one day to get my car fixed and I don't have the luxury of driving my car all over for an estimate. If they tell me something is wrong with my car, I am not in any position to argue. But when I ask "What do I absolutely need to have to get my car running?", don't make suggestions about things that aren't relevant.

Mechanic: "Well, your back tires need to be replaced."

Me: "Okay. If I don't replace them, will I have a blowout tomorrow or can it wait until pay day?"

Mechanic: "You should be okay until pay day but I would definitely replace them."

Me: "Do I have to replace the radiator hose?"

Mechanic: "They are the original hoses."

Me: "Do they need to be replaced?"

Mechanic: "I'm required to tell you that they are the original hoses and they are hard. So if you have them rupture tomorrow, you know why."

I still don't know if they need to be replaced or if they are just trying to sell me additional services.

I feel like this company didn't even try to find a more affordable option for me. My problem was a relatively simple one. Why did my car die? The answer was not windshield wipers.

I pared the repairs / replacements down from $1000.00 to $530.00. Of course, some of my other bills will have to wait. At least my car is running. They said they weren't able to get it to die for them and couldn't say for certain that it was the spark plugs and I can't help but feel like I was taken for a ride.

Deployments suck.

2011-07-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

I started this neglected blog a few years ago when DH was deploying. It was my escape. Now I need to escape again.

Stupid wars.

There are so many things that need to be done before he leaves and not nearly enough time in which to do them. Bills...cars...back to school shopping...doctors appointments... and I need someone to hire a personal assistant for me. Any takers? No?

We've done deployments a few times. At this point, I know what to expect. It doesn't make it any easier, but at least now I know that the anticipation is the hardest part. Once I get into my groove, I will be fine.

Just fine.

Fine.

Right?

Right?!?

Extreme Couponing Gone Wild!

2011-06-19T10:53:00.001-07:00

My husband and I were watching a show on TLC a few weeks ago. This woman walked into the store with a handful of coupons (and by a "handful" I mean she had to truck them in). She walked out with $1000.00 worth of groceries and I think she spent around $100.00.

Of course, the show doesn't tell you how they do it. They only show you that it is possible.

I don't have a large pantry or a basement that I can store $1000.00 worth of canned goods and toiletries. And from what I saw, they bought a ton of stuff they didn't need just because it was on sale and it was free.

But if I can buy things that I need and spend a fraction of what I normally would, I'm willing to try anything. So here is my attempt at Extreme Couponing.

We recycle our toner cartridges at Staples and I received a $4.00 credit in my email at the end of the quarter. I took the $4.00 credit and bought business card protectors for $3.99. (They actually gave me a $.01 coupon off of my next purchase.)

To get started, I bought two of Sundays paper. Publix sells them for $1.00 after Tuesday. While I was at Publix, I picked up a couple of their weekly circulars for more coupons. You can use one manufacturer's coupon and one store coupon on the same item. After I cut out all of the coupons, I slid them into the plastic sleeves. If there is a store coupon for the same item, I put them together so I don't have to keep looking for it.

My first attempt looked something like this:

Crazy savings, huh?

That was for our normal grocery trip.

Then I went to the grocery store by myself with the intention of not buying:

a.) anything I didn't have a coupon for and

b.) anything that we don't ordinarily use.

The biggest deal was the Bayer Advance. It was normally $3.49. I used a manufacturer's coupon for $2.00 off and the Publix coupon for another $2.00 off. They essentially gave me $.50 for buying this.

Special K is on sale, BOGO. I used a coupon for $1.00 off of 2, which means I paid $3.29 for two boxes.

BIC Flex 4 Razors are sold for $5.49 each. With two $3.00 off coupons, I paid $5.00 for two packs.

Dial body wash is normally $3.91 each but I spent $1.91 after using a $2.00 coupon.

Finally, the 3 pack of Ivory bar soap was $.29 after I used the $1.00 coupon.

I probably should have waited to see if the Dial would ever go on sale.

Today I tried my hand one more time at this whole couponing thing. This time I went to Walgreens.

They kind of messed with my mojo. The BOGO toothpaste didn't ring up, so I had to get a refund.

I spent $5.00 on $17.00 worth of stuff. Not a shabby deal, but certainly not anything that the reality shows are made of.

Where were you on May 1, 2011?

2011-05-01T20:38:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I was laying in bed fighting back a wave of nausea. Freakin migraine is making me dizzy.

My sister-in-law is staying the night. We had turned out the lights and was getting ready to go to sleep. Joy told us that she received a text message saying that Osama bin Laden has been killed.

While I was at home, safe in my house, there were brave servicemembers that were risking their lives to forever change the course of history. I love this country and those that protect it.

Night all.

It's 1:32 a.m. ...and I can't sleep.

2010-10-01T22:31:00.001-07:00

Why did I have that cup of coffee?

Because the doctor said it would help the

headaches. And it did. But now I am wide awake with nobody to talk to me.

I suppose I could read a book. But

then I would have to finish it.

My most recent book was Mockingjay from the Hunger Games trilogy.

I love these books. I can't get enough of them. I read Hunger Games, Catching Fire and Mockingjay all in less than two weeks. And now I am rereading them.

I hear chatter about a movie. I don't know how true that is, but here is how I picture all of the characters. I know the ages are going to be off...but this is my blog. So there.

The main characters name is Katniss Everdeen.

Here is my idea of Katniss

Katniss' sister, Prim

I put a lot of thought into this one because Peeta is my favorite.

The only other one that I have put any thought into is Cinna and I see him like this every time I see him in the book.

So there you have it.

Have you read the Hunger Games trilogy? What did you think of them?

Tag, I'm it. Lucky you.

2010-09-29T17:09:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by one of my greatest (and oldest) friends. So now you are obligated to hear what I have to say.

You can thank Teresa later.

1. What is your guilty pleasure when you are home alone and no one to see?

Is this a family site?

Usually I don't care if there is anyone around to see. So I have to think about this.

My latest favorite movie is When Harry Met Sally and the fake orgasm thing is funny. What isn't funny is explaining to my nine year old why she is sounding like that and why that is a bad thing.

2. What is your favorite movie from your kids selection? One you don’t mind sitting to watch with them.

I love Disney films, my favorite is Robin Hood. But that is in my collection, not my son's. Matthew is obsessed with Star Wars and Indiana Jones. I don't mind watching those movies, but they aren't my favorite.

3. If you could remodel any room in your house and have someone else pay for it what room would it be?

My bathroom. I have a grand design in my head but it's top secret, so I'm not sharing because you might find someone else to pay for your remodeling and steal my idea.

4. What reality show would you most likely be on?

Biggest Loser?

Medical Mysteries?

Jerry Springer!

5. Do you have a go to person that you tell everything to? (other than your husband) Why do you go to that person?

Yes. Mostly I'm an open book but people judge others so harshly! I can tell this person anything and know that they will accept it and not wonder "WTF was she thinking?"

6. What is the story/ meaning behind your child’s first name? Or if you don’t have kids, what is a name you have picked out, and why?

Matthew is my favorite name, I have loved it since I was a little girl. When I was pregnant, we couldn't find names that both of us liked. I loved the name Matthew. Jaysen? Not so much...but I knew he was going to be called Matthew and secretly called him "Matty" when Jay wasn't around. After 3 days of Baby Boy having no official name, the nurse told us we couldn't take him home until we named him.

The last morning of our hospital stay, Jay went home to walk our dogs. His dad, Tom, called and left a message on our answering machine. "I know what you can name your son, my grandson. Matthew. Name him Matthew. If you don't like Matthew, name him Jaysen Junior." Jay walked back into the hospital room and asked if I had spoken with his dad. When I promised him that I did not discuss the name of our son with his dad, he asked "Can his middle name be Thomas?"

7. How many purses do you own? How often do you change them?

I own 2 purses, I have a small one that doesn't smuggle anything into the movie theaters and a bigger one that will fit 3 cans of soda and a ton of junk food perfectly. Other than that, I never carry a purse.

8. What is the most expensive article of clothing you have (other than jewelry) Where do you where it and do you wear it often?

I have a pair of ass shaping Skechers. I'm totally pissed that my backside doesn't look like those on the advertisement. On the plus side, my feet have never hurt. I wear them everywhere!

A Storey Book Review For You

2010-04-16T19:26:00.000-07:00

Check it out!

Read the first 15 pages of this book.

And then read the interview with the author.

Shut the hell up, Stupid Tea Party.

2010-03-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

Today is Palm Sunday. Today is also the day that our Representatives vote on Healthcare Reform. It has been said that most of our Representatives don't know what is in the Healthcare bill. And that is scary. But what we have now is also scary.

I have a cousin who is diabetic. He's young. He has a family. In this economy, he can't get a job. Because he has a pre-existing condition, he can't get health insurance, either.

Which is wrong.

But, get this.

Even if you have health insurance, a clerk being paid minimum wage can over ride a doctor's order and decline payment for a procedure that a doctor deems necessary. AND THEN that clerk will probably get paid a bonus to do so. Which makes sense because they are saving the company money in the long run. A company that has seen record profits in recent years. Thanks in no small part to the lobbyists that are sitting in our Representatives' pockets.

Our Health Care system is broken.

A woman finally mustered up the courage to leave her abusive husband. The final straw came when he beat the crap out of her in front of her daughter and sent her to the hospital. She started piecing her life back together, got an apartment, got a job and was denied health insurance at her new job. Why? Because "domestic violence" is counted as a pre-existing condition. That is wrong.

When a girl dies because a health insurance company decides it is too expensive to give her a liver transplant (and then the execs are given bonuses and raises) that is wrong.

When the bottom line of a company's profit margin takes precedence over my family's health...that is wrong. And it needs to be fixed.

Over the last few months, the Tea Party Movement has made headlines. They are supposed to be a non partisan activist group. The largely middle age white group (not that they shouldn't have a voice, I'm just pointing out they it's not an incredibly diverse group and there is an uncanny resemblance to the right wing of the Senate). Today, they lost any credibility they had (they sort of lost that when they had Sarah Palin has a keynote speaker, but I digress.)

These Christian Patriots (as they call themselves) felt it would be Christ-like to call Democratic legislators "niggers", "faggots" and actually spit at them. How is that progress? They don't like the bill that is being passed so they resort to name calling and insults. Nice.

Here's the thing in America that people don't like when it doesn't pertain to them (me included). Majority rules. That is the beautiful thing about a Democracy. It's supposed to be of the people, by the people and for the people. So if you're going to insult the Representatives that are voting for the millions of people that are literally one hospital visit away from financial ruin. How about this:

I know you are but what am I? Or my all time favorite: I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks on to you. (Which really means the shit that spews forth out of your mouth says more about your character than the situation at hand.)

To be or not to be...

2010-03-12T16:32:00.000-08:00

I once had an English professor tell the class of a time when she went to the ER with a headache. She was in college, preparing for her doctorate and was stressed. The ER doctors sent her home and told her that after she passed her exams, she would be okay. But it turned out, she wasn't okay. The headache turned out to be a brain tumor. That day she underwent emergency surgery and had it removed.

Besides the chronic overuse of commas, I learned that it is imperative to always listen to your body. Always. Because you are the only person that knows when something is wrong. The doctor is the only one that can diagnose anything. But you are the only one that will know if the doctor is right.

You may remember when I was told a couple of years ago that I may have MS. The neurologist's LPN mentioned something that may have proven useful. Turns out, it may be the only useful thing she said.

Follow me, please.

For as long as I can remember, I have been teased for having white legs. They never tan. Ever. Actually, they are weird shade of purple. If I get upset, my chest turns a lovely shade of poison oak red. When I get cold, my feet and my hands go white. What the neuro LPN noticed was that the palm of my hands are splotchy looking.

"How long have your hands looked like that?"
"Like what?"
"Mottled like that?"
"Uh, for as long as I can remember. Why?"
"That is a trait of Raynaud's Phenomenon. I can give you a pill for that."
"Um. Okay. What does that have to do with my headaches?"
"Nothing," she said. Turns out, she may have been wrong.

For the last few weeks, I've been undergoing more testing. I had another spinal tap done on Monday. I freakin despise those things. Hate them. My back is still sore! At least my husband is home for this one and he is just fantastic, so I can't complain too much.

Anyway.

It turns out lupus and MS share symptoms. And many people with lupus also have Raynaud's Phenomenon. A couple of weeks ago, I had an anti double strand DNA test come back "extremely abnormal" (his words, not mine). But, the neurologist said it was vague. The rheumatoid came back negative, the lyme is pending and the lupus is pending. And I've never been bitten by a tick. So...yeah.

Now, it is just a waiting game. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I'm going to be 30 years old next month. I'm too young to be broken. :o/

Prayers are welcome. Virtual hugs are encouraged.

Please and thank you.

On a funny note...some might appreciate this.

The neurologist wanted to definitively rule out everything. So he tested me for everything under the sun. EVERYTHING. When I was discharged from the hospital, I was handed a sheet of paper that listed all of the labs.

The next day, Jaysen was reading it while we were walking down the street. In a rather loud voice, he asks "why did they test you for herpes?!?" Gee, Jay. Could you have said that any louder?

Here is your public service announcement. The reason why they tested me for herpes is because 60% of the people that have herpes don't realize that they have it. The symptoms include headache, muscle ache, fatigue and lower back pain. And in case you are wondering, that test came back negative. :o))

Geaux Saints!

2010-02-07T09:04:00.001-08:00

I'm superstitious.

Betcha didn't know that. But I am. Which is why I am pulling out all of the stops. The Saints need to win the Super Bowl tonight. So break out your lucky rabbit's foot, wish on the next falling star and maybe even throw some prayers out there for the Saints tonight.

They just have to win. They have to.

When I was a child, I remember my dad sitting in front of the TV, drinking a beer and watching a Saints game. I would ask when it was going to be cartoon time. He would say "as soon as this quarter is over. Look, there's only 15 minutes left."

Let me tell you. Football has the longest measurement of time. Ever.

My dad was obsessed with football and being from Louisiana, he loved the Saints. Even though they were a losing team, he was faithful to them. Sadly, he's not here to witness this miraculous event. Still, I have no doubt that he's watching it on the largest HDTV big screen ever. Maybe God might reconsider prohibition for this one night. Maybe.

Now I'm not a big football fan. I understand touchdowns. But when you get into 3rd downs and the rest of the complicated jargon, I get lost. I can't even tell you if what I'm watching is a decent game. Quite frankly, they all look the same to me.

A few years ago, I had to take Matthew to the ER. He was running an abnormally high fever and it just wouldn't break. The waiting room TV was tuned into a Saints game. I whispered "Dad, if you are watching this, please give me a sign."

Of course, the Saints were losing. Horrendously. "If you are watching this, give the Saints a touchdown. No! If you are watching this, give them a touchdown and a field goal. No! If you are watching this, the Saints will win the game." Silly, I know.

But, I kid you not. The Saints made a touchdown. And then a field goal. And then I got called into another waiting room, where we sat for hours. When I got home, I watched the sports highlights and found that the Saints had actually won that game.

Coincidence? Perhaps. But I like to think dad is going to enjoy this game and is happy as sin that they've made it.

A few weeks ago, Matthew asked what my dad liked. I explained that he liked football (and women), motorcycles (and beer), and the Saints (and women and beer). Maybe Matthew will sit down and watch the game with me. This time, I might actually watch the game instead of fast-forwarding to the commercials. Those talking babies just kill me.

Once in a Blue Moon

2009-12-31T15:47:00.000-08:00

Tonight will be a blue moon.

What is a blue moon? It's when there are two full moons in one month. The last time a blue moon ushered in the New Year was twenty years ago.

Twenty years ago. 1989. It seems like it was forever ago, doesn't it?

Twenty years ago, I was 9 years old. Grandma had just turned 59. My mom, my sister and I lived next door to Grandpa and Grandma. I actually remember that particular night, because mom let us stay up all night to ring in 1990...a entirely new decade.

And then there was the blue moon.

Today is grandma's birthday. She would have been 79 years old. Unfortunately, she got sick and died way too young. There is not a day that goes by that I'm not thinking of her. I miss her laugh. I miss her stories. I miss her hands. And her hugs. I miss her spirit. Her entire being just emanated kindness and compassion. Grandma just made everything better and she never knew a stranger.

The last time a blue moon graced Grandma's birthday, she was alive to witness it. Of course, it probably wasn't a life changing event. It was undoubtedly one of the smaller things in life that gets overlooked. But I like to imagine that Grandma took a moment to gaze at the moon during this rare event. She might have even whispered a silent prayer to Heaven.

Tonight, in memory of my Grandma, I am going to take a moment to gaze at the blue moon. I might even whisper my own silent prayer to Heaven as we once again ring in a new decade, like I imagine she would have done two whole decades ago.

Now, I propose a toast.

May this new decade be less eventful than the last. May we each have a little less heart ache and a lot more love. May we each find peace. And for those that are fighting so that others can find peace, may they make it home safe.

Happy New Year to you and Happy Birthday, Grandma.

Merry Christmas, Ho! ... Ho! Ho!

2009-12-25T09:05:00.000-08:00

I love Fridays. I love them even more when they are a federal holiday. It is even better when the Friday / federal holiday is preceded by a pseudo holiday. True, President Obama only gave us four hours on Christmas Eve. True, we received an entire day off last year. But I figure four hours off beats working for a solid 240 minutes any day.

Matthew's vacation beats my "vacation", hands down. Matthew was given two weeks of vacation. Two entire weeks! What I wouldn't give for two whole work-free weeks.

When I was a child, we were never given two weeks gratis. At most, we were given eight days. Back then, my sister and I used to stay up all night long Christmas Eve in anticipation of what Santa would leave for us under our tree. Even now I remember the butterflies in my stomach that harmonized beautifully with the heart palpitations. We would stay awake and just stare at the ceiling. If we would try to whisper to each other, Mom would always hear and provide us with the inevitable "shush!". If that didn't work, she would remind us that Santa couldn't come if we were awake.

Now Christmas is so stressful. Spirit of giving, my foot! It is more like the spirit of Xanax and overdraft fees. There is an expectation of giving the perfect gift. But even mediocre gifts would be acceptable. I've yet to have anyone spit in my face and stomp on my toe because I didn't give them exactly what they wanted. So, what is with all of the stress?

You would think that the stressors of Christmas would abate with the arrival of Santa Claus.

Not so much.

Last night, Matthew was so excited for Christmas. He could not sleep. So, I pulled him into bed with me, which always does the trick. Well, usually. We laid in the dark, with Matthew tossing and turning. I fell asleep, only to wake up to the sound of a child whimpering. His body was so tired but his head was reeling with thoughts of Christmas. "Mommy, I am so tired but I can't sleep."

Around 0300, he climbed out of my bed and went into his room...passing right by the Christmas tree. With presents under the tree. Apparently, Santa had stopped by while Matthew was fighting with sleep. Matthew hadn't noticed the gifts waiting for him in the dark and walked directly into his room to play...with the light on and the door open. Because, it is scary to walk around your house in the middle of the night with the lights out when you're eight years old.

Meanwhile, Jaysen was laying all snug in his bed. Actually, he was on the couch. And instead of thoughts of sugar plums dancing through his head, he was envisioning a tiny little intruder. This little intruder had grown bored with the toys in his room and started tiptoeing his way back to the Christmas tree. Matthew figured he was being sneaky and he desperately need to know how many presents under the tree were labeled "Matthew".

Out of the shadows, there was a booming voice. "Matthew, go back to sleep! You can open them in the morning. It is still night time."

"Aw, dad! I can't sleep."

Four hours later, I woke to find Matthew sound asleep in my bed. I whispered in his ear "Matthew, it is morning." Matthew practically bounced out of bed. If only I could get him to do that for school.

Today I am cruising on about 4 hours of sleep and a boatload of coffee.

Which I have come to learn, is the true meaning of Christmas.

Thanksgiving means family.

2009-11-25T22:53:00.000-08:00

Who decided that Thanksgiving should be a day of gluttony? I just know that said genius was the possessor of the Y chromosome. You know how I know this? Because it's tradition. Think about it. No woman in her right mind would celebrate a day of standing on her feet all day, cooking over a hot stove. The men, on the other hand, spend the day parked in front of the television, watching men in tight pants tackle each other. They actually get a day off to do this. What's not to celebrate?

It seems to me that Thanksgiving was funner (yes, that is a word. Leave me alone.) when I was a child. All 500 of us would all show up to Grandma's and Grandpa's house to binge as if we would never eat again. There was the requisite turkey, the stuffing, the mashed potatoes and the candied yams. I hated those yams but I loved the toasted marshmallows on top. I would gladly choke down the yams for another bite of toasted marshmallow. Then there was the frog eye salad. To this day, I will happily make an entire meal out of frog eye salad.

We would all gather around the dinner tables, which spanned the entire length of the living room. The kids would be seated in the kitchen, at the kid's table. Somewhere along the way, I graduated from the kiddy table and morphed into preparer of all things Thanksgiving .

What a ripoff.

I wish someone had told me that I should cherish every single Thanksgiving around that table. I wish someone would have said "please remember this moment because they are numbered." I doubt I would have listened, but still...

Tonight, I am a million miles away from home doing my part to prepare a Thanksgiving feast for my family. Over the years, my family has changed. We've lost a few members and we've grown by a few members. Regardless of how my family changes, each member is no less important than their predecessors. They each add that special something that just make me complete (I'm not naming names, you know who you are).

This time last year, Jaysen was deployed to the Middle East. For a year, we were missing a key person. But it was a blessing in disguise. Without that deployment, I wouldn't have met my truly fabulous 211th friends. My "wives" became my family and offered the support I needed to survive. Without them, that year would have been unbearable.

So this year, I propose a toast to my family. I miss you. I love you. And I thank God everyday that he blessed me with such a wonderful friends and family. I am truly lucky and incredibly thankful.

Cheers.

An Open Letter to the Flagler School District

2009-09-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

Hello,

My son attends a Flagler County School. I am concerned with the lack of recess. The children should be encouraged to participate in unstructured play. It's disheartening to hear that they are actually prohibited from free play. I've tried to discuss this with the principal and vice principal of the school. I was informed that "last year students had 30 minutes of recess a day which, by state law, must be structured with physical activity not casual play." When I asked for the text of that law, I didn't get a response. I have found laws that require 150 minutes of physical activity, but nothing that says free, unstructured recess must be abolished and replaced with structured PE.

Requiring the students to stay confined within the walls of the school can not be beneficial for their education. Such conditions can't facilitate learning. I am sure you will agree that a child's body is just as important as their mind. Research has shown that a lack of recess can actually detract from a child's education.

Students learn better when they are allowed to take breaks (outside of the confines of school) and release their energy. Besides the obvious physical benefits, recess provides increased academic achievement, less childhood obesity, and has actually been credited with decreasing drug use. Recess also provides excellent social opportunities by helping children learn how to solve problems and reinforce positive behaviors when interacting with others. Providing structured games for PE is not an acceptable substitute, as children should be allowed to run free in the fresh air.

The body is just as important as the mind. It is impossible to ignore the benefits of exercise during recess and expect the students to maintain competitive grades. Why are the children essentially being set up for failure? Whose decision was it to remove recess from the daily curriculum? Was the benefits of recess taken into consideration? More importantly, can this harmful decision be reversed?

I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you in advance for your time.

http://www.peacefulplaygrounds.com/pdf/right-to-recess/right-to-recess-presentation.ppt

ETA:

A few days after emailing this to the school district, the principal emailed me back. They found a way to give all of the grades an opportunity for recess. Everyday.

A Day of Remembrance

2009-09-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

Eight years ago today, I was in Germany. I had just been discharged from the Army five weeks before. At almost eight months pregnant, I was trying to get everything ready. We had ordered a horrendous looking car seat from Ebay (it was cheap and I was broke). It was almost 2:00 in the afternoon, the Today show was on and I was covering the ugly car seat with a less ugly green and blue plaid material.

Matt Lauer was interviewing somebody about Howard Hughes and actually interrupted the guy mid-sentence. They cut away to a break and came back with images from the Trade Center. I was thinking what a horrible accident. Then I watched the second plane hit the other tower and I knew what was happening.

Jaysen was at work when I called to tell him that planes had just hit the WTC. We hung up and I stayed glued to the TV. An hour later, the Pentagon was hit. I called him back "Jaysen, someone just attacked the Pentagon. You need to come home. Now."

"What? Who would be crazy enough to attack the Pentagon? Are you serious?" In the background, I could hear other cell phones ringing. Then I heard the First Sergeant shouting Platoon Sergeants! Formation! Apparently he figured out I was serious. "Okay, I'll be home soon."

Jaysen barely made it outside of the post's gates when they were locked down. From that point on, nobody was getting on post and nobody was getting out. I had never been more scared in my life.

I called my mom, who was living in Payson, UT at the time. "Mom. I'm okay." She had no idea why I wouldn't be okay. She had just woken up and hadn't turned on the TV yet. "Mom, turn on the TV." Aunt Judy started crying because things like that don't happen at home. How innocent things were back then.

The Army post had been locked down. Since we lived off post, we had to park our vehicles off post and walk through the gates in order to get back on post. That only lasted until armed guards could be posted. After that, there was always a line outside of the post because we needed to have all of our vehicles inspected. At least I didn't have to walk to the grocery store. At eight months pregnant, I felt like a Weeble Wobble. Only I was fairly certain this Weeble Wobble would fall down.

Matthew wasn't due to come into this world until November. The doctors said October, but sometimes Moms just know these kinds of things. (Particularly since my husband and just got back from Saudi Arabia eight months before.) Watching the planes crash into the buildings time and time and time again was beginning to wear on me. Jaysen was always working, all of my friends were with him and I was all alone in a foreign country.

One day, I was laying on my bed, crying. It wasn't a pretty cry, either. We are talking full blown, hormone fueled, mucus filled, gut-wrenching cry. I was so homesick and scared. We were preparing for war and I did not want to lose my husband and have this baby all by myself. I turned on the TV and the CBS evening news was on. And there was my Aunt Susie! She'd never looked more beautiful! My own little prayer was answered. What was she doing in New York?!? But it didn't matter, she was alive. But the stress of the attacks took it's toll.

Nine days later, I was falling asleep watching the previous night's episode of Jay Leno. I was thinking about how strange life can be. One morning, everyone files into work at the Trade Center like normal. They go home that night like every other night. The next day, they go to work and then our lives changed forever. How strange would it be that one night, I am going to be watching Jay Leno and then the next night, I'm going to have a baby!

A couple of hours later, I had to go to the bathroom and the baby was kicking my bladder. This was our 2:00 am ritual. But this time was different. I have to pee, I thought. Wait. Did I pee the bed? No, I still have to pee. Oh no! "Jaysen, help me up. I think my water just broke!"

He had only been asleep a couple of hours, at most. "Huh? Oh. Okay. OH! Okay!" I waddled to the bathroom as fast as I could. "Mai! Don't run. You're going to make it worse."

"Jaysen, I don't think it's going to get any better."

But it did. Numerous deployments and eight years later, life has continued on. I still cry every time I see footage of 9/11. And even though I hated seeing my husband leave, I am so proud to see him go.

This morning, we held a moment of silence for all that was lost that day. I explained to Matthew what happened on 9/11 and that is why Daddy went to war. And we are beyond thankful that he's come back safely every time. Because so many haven't.

Please take a moment to remember the victims of 9/11 and those who proudly responded to the attacks. God Bless America.

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

My dad used to call me every Sunday like clock work. Our conversations weren't anything worthy of notation. It usually involved "Be nice to your sisters. They are the only ones you have." Even though I was 90% sure that I was adopted.

Maybe I wasn't "sure" but I was certainly hopeful.

He's been gone 8 1/2 years now. I don't remember what I got him for Father's Day or what gifts were exchanged for Christmas or birthdays. What I remember are the small things we did during the summer I spent with him. We drove to Gulfport and Biloxi. JoAnn & I waded knee deep into the Gulf and screamed when I almost stepped on a jellyfish. They were everywhere, hundreds of small, nearly invisible jellyfish.

My scream drove everyone out of the water. Some people went back in. We stayed out and bought lunch. Dad kept throwing french fries over my head so that the sea gulls would swoop over me. JoAnn one upped him and put some in my hair.

My family is full of comedians.

We didn't spend a whole lot of money that trip. We didn't make it to Disney World or Sea World. However, we stopped at an ocean refuge and played catch with a group of dolphins.

Another man that meant the world to me was my Grandpa. Growing up, I thought he was superhuman. He never, ever seemed vulnerable to me.

His birthday was last Friday. He didn't like it when people made a fuss over him. "Oh, dear. You didn't have to do that!" But he was always doing something kind for someone else.

He collected garden gnomes and used to blame everything on them. They were always moving remotes, taking his glasses and misplacing shoes. He spent days building a gnome village in his front yard and swore they came alive at night.

I miss them both tremendously. Especially on days like today. If they were alive, I would thank them for sacrificing for our family. For being there for me even when I wasn't there for them. For being patient and not giving up. For their unconditional love.

"Grandpa, I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Yes. But, I love you more."
He would look at me with those beautiful blue eyes. "How could you? It's not possible."

Yeah, I know.

Happy Father's Day.

Back to Life...Back to Reality

2009-06-07T13:12:00.000-07:00

Matthew & I have this weekend tradition of Friday night "camp outs" in the living room. We pull out the hide a bed, pop in a movie and indulge in popcorn until we can't stay awake any longer.

It used to be only on the weekends when Jaysen was drilling in West Jordan. Then when he deployed, it became every weekend. Since we packed up our house in April, the weekend sleepovers were a nightly affair and the fun was sucked out of them. (Sleeping on a mattress in the middle of the living room floor eventually loses its novelty.)

Last night we once again pulled out the hide a bed and watched movies until we fell asleep (Benjamin Button, if you're interested). Jaysen doesn't particularly care for the hide a bed and probably enjoyed sleeping with the entire bed to himself. I got to cuddle with Matthew for a little while, which is just fine with me. After all, he's going to be too big to cuddle soon enough.

HGTV sucks

2009-06-03T14:36:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I was here with no TV. But, I had the internet. So, I did what any sane person would do. Hulu.

There is this nifty program, Dear Genevieve on HGTV. I watched this one episode where she turned this basement into an awesome space and turned the patio into another room by adding a cute mosquito curtain to the underside of the deck. It was great and totally something I could do here, right?

I like my house and this patio, even if it is a little barren right now. It would be awesome if we could come out here at night and not get eaten by gargantuan Florida style mosquitoes. Right? Well, I priced the mosquito curtains that supposedly any person could apply to their house in a three day weekend.

You ready?

$525 for 6 panels that will end up covering 36 linear feet of my patio.

Maybe it's just me because I'm super cheap (stop with the easy jokes, will ya?) but that seems awful expensive for a few pieces of sheer fabric that I have to install (okay, who am I joking? We all know it will be Jaysen). Maybe I'll shop around and find an acceptable substitute. In the mean time, do you have any ideas?

I'm getting old.

2009-06-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

Most of you might not realize that I am almost 30 years old. Sad, but true. I realized I was getting old when I went to Universal Studios last weekend.

We arrived at the park around noon. By 4:30, my feet were killing me and I was ready to go home. Standing in an hour long line for a 45 second ride has lost its novelty. And still, I found myself standing among people who believe that deoderant is a luxury they can no longer afford. I understand that in this economy we have to make sacrifices. But passing up deo when you know you'll be in confined spaces in 90 degree weather is just inhumane.

Throw in a child that is whining because the ever expanding line refuses to move with a repetitive "mommy, it's sooooooooooo hhhhhhhhoooottttttttttttt!" and there you have an afternoon that precious memories are made of.

Everybody knows that Matthew is my life

2009-05-18T19:14:00.002-07:00

It's not a secret. I like hanging out with him. He is so funny and comes up with the craziest things. Sometimes I look at him and see my baby. And then he opens his mouth and I catch a glimpse of what he will soon be.

A couple of days ago, he called me crying. I told him to be brave, that it was almost over and I would see him again. He broke down in a sob. "Mom, I can't believe we're separated."

Which isn't that big of a deal, I suppose. It's just the idea that not too long ago, he was crying because "I want my mommy!" Now the idea that the same thought has been verbalized in such a grown up matter just amazes me.

Today I was in training, taking a test. When Matthew left, I had told him that he was allowed to call me at any time. Of course, he had to talk to me while I was taking the test. I couldn't answer the phone so it rang (silently) about a dozen times. Afterward, my coworkers and I were sitting around a table in the break room when it rang again.

"Hello my favorite little boy! How are you?"
"Mom. You didn't answer the phone. You said I could call you any time I wanted to and then you don't answer the phone."

I apologized profusely and we continued talking about intensely personal stuff. Actually, he told me that he has 10 different GI Joes and then named them all one by one. When I told him that I had to get back into class, he goes "Okay, let's hang up together. Okay? Ready? One. Oh, hold on. I love you, mama. Okay. One. Two. And are you still there? Okay. One. Two. Three."

Click.

Or at least I hope it clicked because it did on my end.

2009-05-18T19:14:00.001-07:00

So big and yet so not...

2009-05-08T18:25:00.000-07:00

Matthew called me two nights ago. Here's an excerpt of the conversation:

"Mom? Are you scared? What if bad guys break into the house?"
"Honey, if bad guys break in, I have my mace and a hammer."
"Oh, so you can hit the bad guys over the head?"
"Right."
"Hey, mom? I have an idea. If the bad guys break into the house, you can pretend like you are on their side. And then you can feed them a banana. Only it will have poison on it. Then they'll be like ::insert choking noise here:: ."
"Matthew, that is an excellent idea."
"Will you do it?"
"Yes, I think I might."

So here is this big kid, worrying about his mommy and thinking of ways she can be protected. Can you imagine how that would work out?

Hey, guys! Have you checked the bathroom? Here, have a banana!

I have no idea where he gets these things. He has quite the imagination.

Late (late) last night that same little boy called. At least, I think it was the same little boy...

Me: "Hello?"
pause
"Hello?"

I hear a sad little boy doing the ugly, shaky cry.

"Mom? I miiiiiiiiiiiss you! Why can't I see your face?"
"Oh, honey. Please don't cry."
"Ooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy. When can I come home?"
::insert heart break here::
"Soon, baby. Really soon."
"Mommy, I don't want to be here anymore."
"I know, honey. Would you like me to read you a story?"
"Yeah. You can pick one."

So, we read all about Horrible Harry. Matthew calmed down and mommy felt a little better. I'll feel lots better when I can kiss his adorable cheeks.

It just goes to show that macho men don't always have to be macho...

Why would you say that?

2009-05-01T19:20:00.001-07:00

I survived my first week in the new office!

When I told people in Utah that I was taking the job in Florida, almost everyone said "OMG! You are going to hate it!"

Why would anybody say that? That's horrible!

Turns out, I think I'm going to like it. The people are all really nice.

I just can't wait to get started! Only 7 more weeks of training left...

Why Sears sucks...

2009-04-27T16:27:00.001-07:00

Dear Sears,

We bought a washer & dryer from Sears a couple of years ago. Last week, when we moved from Utah to Florida our washer began acting strange. I called the Sears hotline and explained in detail the initial whirring noise and the fact that after a couple of loads, it started jumping all over my laundry room when it spins.

I was told that someone would be at my house Monday morning between 8 & 12. Since I had to work, my father in law kindly agreed to sit at my house and wait for someone to show up. The problem? Nobody showed. I called Sears and was told that a message would be passed on to the technician to call. My husband called Sears and was told the same thing. Nobody called until 3:00. My father in law cleared his schedule for the day just to sit in my empty house full of nothing but boxes.

We were later told that we were his 8th appointment out of 8 appointments. Why schedule that many appointments if you know there is no possible way for them to make all of them on time? If you know the technician won't make it Monday morning, tell the caller there is nothing available until Tuesday. Don't overbook in hopes that someone will cancel. That is unfair to the rest of your customers.

The technician finally decided to show up at 3:00. He was here all of 15 minutes and knew exactly what was wrong. Of course, he didn't have the correct parts to fix it. Now we are expected to schedule another appointment and wait around for another person (who may or may not show up on time) to come back into my house and spend a couple of hours fixing it.

Tell me something. What is the point of having the caller troubleshoot if the technicians aren't going to be prepared with the correct parts? A quick search on the internet could have told me that the ball bearings were bad.

Since your employee wasn't prepared, he now has to have the parts delivered to my house. Your "customer service" couldn't provide me with any answers. How could they not know if it is in the contract whether or not UPS will deliver supplies overnight? How can they not know if someone will need to be available to sign for the delivery? How come I can't speak to a supervisor or be directly transferred to the supplies / repair department? Why must the respective departments call me back at their leisure?

It is comforting to know that Sears is immune to the current state of the economy and that they don't need their customers. How else can the total disregard for your customers' valuable time be explained?

I understand that the work being done under warranty doesn't take top priority for your company. But someday soon that warranty is going to expire. And I'm sure that repairs will need to be made further down the line. I'm also sure that I will not be burdening Sears with any repair calls that will need to be made on my dime.

Furthermore, I will make sure that any other business that I require will not be done at Sears. I'm sure Home Depot would appreciate our business when it comes to furnishing our new home...and I'll be sure to let our friends know how great your customer service is.

Thanks for your time.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Added 29 April

Yesterday my FIL received a phone call saying that the parts were being delivered to a warehouse in Daytona and that they would be installed today.

The ball bearings were replaced along with the drum. And then they decide the motor should get replaced. So I'm essentially getting a new washer for free.

I am so glad I purchased that warranty. And just to think I almost said no.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Added 1 May

This morning, my FIL was told that the motor wouldn't arrive until Monday.

So guess what was waiting for me on my door step when I got home from work?

The motor.

I called Sears to let them know that the part arrive and I made sure the appointment was still on for tomorrow. The girl confirms that the appointment is still on for sometime between 8:00 am and 5:00 pm.

At this point, I explain that this is our third appointment in which we were told "sometime between 8:00 am and 5:00 pm" and that I wasn't about to wait around all day for a person that may or may not show up until 5:00. Of course she couldn't tell me where I am at on the tech's schedule. I would have to call back the next day and spend another 30 minutes on hold to speak to a customer service rep. (This is an issue because I only have 200 minutes!) The girl apologized because there was nothing more she could do.

Fine. I get that.

Me: "Can I speak to your supervisor?"
Sears: "Ma'am, she is going to tell you the same thing. We won't have schedules until tomorrow."
Me: "I understand that. I know that this is not your problem. You have nothing to do with it. Can I speak to your supervisor?"
Sears: "Ma'am, she is going to tell you the same thing. We won't have schedules until tomorrow."
Me: "Yes, you said that. But there is an inherent flaw in the system and Sears needs to know that this is not okay with their customers."
Sears: "Ma'am, she is going to tell you the same thing. We won't have schedules until tomorrow."
Me: "Just let me speak to your supervisor."
Sears: "Ma'am, she is going to tell you..."

And then she hung up on me.

Fifteen minutes later, I get a phone call from Sears. I was on the phone with Jaysen and joined the two phone calls so that he could listen in.

Sears: "I'm calling to verify that the part has arrived."
Me (a little perplexed): "Yes, it has arrived."
Sears: "Can I verify your address?"
Me: "Yes, that is my address."
Sears: "Okay. The technician is going to call your phone. If there is no answer, he will assume that nobody is home and will cancel your appointment."

At this point, Jaysen pipes in and startles her.

Jay: "Yeah, this is Mr. Melendez."
Sears: "Okay."
Jay: "Your technician will not cancel the appointment. He will go to our house whether or not we answer the phone. This is our third appointment this week for this issue. The first day, we were told from 8:00 - 12:00 and the guy didn't show up until 3:00. The second day, the guy didn't show until almost 5:00. Tomorrow, we are not going to spend the entire day waiting for a person who may or may not show. So, annotate it in your files that the technician is to call us before he arrives and he will show up to our house whether or not we answer the phone."

God, I love him.

And breathe!

2009-04-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

I'm in Florida.

Here's how it happened.

April 6th I had a job interview for a position in Jacksonville. April 10th they called and offered me the position. The week in between the job interview and the time I got the offer, I had a still small voice saying "Jonnie, you need to pack." I didn't want to jinx myself out of the potential job, so I didn't pack anything. Eventually that little voice got a little more pronounced "Jonnie, get off of your ass and start packing!" By Monday morning, it was all but screaming at me. And then I found out why.

Monday morning, I got a phone call. "Can you be here by the 27th?" Sure, I said! Of course I can. Why not?

To make an incredibly long story less incredibly long, we left Utah Friday afternoon (the 17th) and arrived here Tuesday afternoon (the 21st). Wednesday we found a house to rent (I love it!) and moved all of the boxes in Friday morning. I'm certain the rental management company hates me, but we ended up where we wanted to be.

Soon, Matthew will be out of school and we will be getting a dog. I can't wait to settle down and make this place a home.

Guess where I'm going next week?

2009-03-30T18:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'll tell you.

Here's a hint.

You might recall this conversation.

Now.

Guess what my adorable, loving, fantabulous (and now broke) husband bought me for my birthday?

Yup.

Tickets to Wicked!!!!

I have never looked forward to turning another year older. My birthday can not get here fast enough!

I suck and I'm sorry. Okay?

2009-03-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, we got to hang out with some friends. They gently reminded me that I haven't updated my blog in forever.

Sorry about that!

Here's the latest...

Jaysen's home.

You know what that means.

Yup.

Matthew's learned how to play us off of each other.

Matthew: "Dad? Can I have some chocolate milk?"
Dad: "No."
Matthew: "Okay."

Matthew: "Mom? Can I have some chocolate milk?"
Mom: "I don't care."
Dad: "I just said no."
Mom: "No, Matthew."
Matthew: "But you just said yes!!!"

That game never gets old.

You know what else never gets old?

"So, when are you two going to have more kids?"

I swear I am going to get uber personal with the next person to ask me that.

"You know, we would have more kids if I can ever get this damn cycle back to being regular. Some months its early, other times its late. Sometimes it is a light flow, other times we are talking five or six tampons per hour! They once put me on medication for that, but the hormones were worse than the symptoms they were trying to alleviate. Holy hot flashes! And the cramping. Oi. Don't get me started on the cramping..."

TMI?

Yeah, I thought so.

P.S. No, not really.

Three posts in 2 days?

2009-02-02T14:02:00.000-08:00

What on earth has gotten into me?

I'm home from work because Matthew is sick. My accounting homework is all caught up and the TV is turned off. I could be washing dishes or doing puke smelling laundry. But no, I'm blessing the world with another insightful blog.

You're welcome.

There is this sign in Provo that irks me. La Quinta Inn has this fancy schmancy LED screen that they use to announce to the world their amenities. Whoever is in charge of that sign has never been told that "less is more". Why do we need a waving flag that has letters superimposed on it announcing the time?

It gives me a headache.

Last year, we figured out that Matthew is red / green color deficient. Did you know that there is a group out there dedicated to educating webmasters about colors that don't mesh well in the color deficient world?

True story!

Half of me wants to march into La Quinta and tell them that I hate their stupid sign and that roughly 10% of the population will have a difficult time reading it, anyway. But the rest of me is thinking that by leaving it the way it is, I'm doing them all a favor.

Seriously, I hate that sign.

:o)

Enough about the sign.

So my dad was color blind and apparently I am a carrier. At first, I felt bad. Like I had robbed Matthew of something. But then, he doesn't know the difference. He's not missing out on anything.

Here are some pictures that show what we see and then what I think he sees. Of course, we won't know which color cone he's missing until he gets older.

Matthew can see the red dress. But, he the grass looks the same to him.

And you wanna hear (um, read) something gross? We have the worst air quality in the nation. When the inversion comes around, the air is brown. But to Matthew, it is green.

Isn't that disgusting?

Quite possibly the last blog tag you will ever see here

2009-02-02T10:08:00.001-08:00

As a general rule I don't do blog tags, but this one is different because, as my friend Annie put it on her blog, it involves a few of my favorite things: creativity, hand-made goods and gift giving. So, read on and find out how you can get a surprise gift from me!

Lucky you! The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!

2- What I create will be just for you.

3- It'll be done this year (might be a little while).

4- You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a story. It may be poetry or an article on properly cleaning your face before a masque. I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!

5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange. The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.

The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me!

Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!Good luck!

This guy is funny!

2009-02-01T19:46:00.000-08:00

Here's the story.

In October 1993, this act was pulled from David Letterman's show because it was offensive.

Censorship sucks.

Though I don't agree with many of the things this guy says, he still has a right to say it. And some of it is funny as hell.

Check it out.

What's it like to be a military wife?

2009-02-01T12:58:00.001-08:00

This picture was taken last year at 2 / 211 departure. That little girl is my bud, Mia. The look on her face speak volumes for what everyone was feeling that day. That was taken almost a year ago. Sometimes it seems like it all went so fast and sometimes it feels like it has been an eternity.

And in a few days, we can get back to our new normal. I say new normal because life isn't going to be the way it was before he left. It won't be the same because Grandpa is missing, as Matthew so tearfully pointed out today. When I think about all of the soldiers that had loved ones die and welcomed new additions, I feel sorry for them. Life doesn't stop when your deployed and that's just not fair. Some had left little babies and are coming back to walking toddlers. Others left pregnant spouses and are coming back to children they don't know. Some left with their families intact, only to receive a red cross message about their loved ones' passing.

But, that's alright. Soldiers adapt, as do their families. I can attest to that.

Boy, I tell you what, the excitement in our house is almost palpable.

By this time next week, Jaysen will be home.

::happy dance::

Homecomings are almost like first dates. The only difference is, you know how it's going to end ;o)

AND

You don't have to worry about mom & dad catching you!

In a few short hours, our soldiers will not only be on the same continent, but in the same country!!! (Hey, it doesn't take much to please this girl.)

And soon we will get to go back to the same hangar where we dropped him off. We'll wait anxiously with the other families, who have since then become my family. And I can't wait for that moment when my husband is within eye sight of me...Because I will know he's safe.

Gotta go shave my legs and make room in the closet. :o)

I'll post pictures (of the homecoming) if I remember to take them!

Momo #2

2009-01-30T17:19:00.001-08:00

So, we lost another Momo.

My Momo.

And I fought to keep that one alive, darnitall.

It was Ick that killed them. And it was horrible watching this one die, knowing I couldn't do anything about it.

I gave him (her?) a salt water bath and Momo's beautiful fins kind of spread back out. I put him back in the tank and he sunk to the bottom. At about 2:30 am, something woke me up. Momo was floating on the bottom of the tank, I moved a plant to get to him and he shot up at me.

I couldn't go back to sleep. At 4:00, I watched him struggle to stay upright. He'd swim and then float upside down. Get back upright and then float back upside down.

I actually cried over this fish.

Damnitall.

At 6:00, I checked on him again and he was floating upside down, tangled in the plants. When I moved the plants, he didn't move. This time, I put some water in an old butter container and scooped Momo into it. An hour later, Matthew woke up and we flushed him.

Since then, I've cleaned the tank with Ick stuff and it looks like its gone. We haven't replaced Momo.

Now we have Momo and Poofy. Which is a funny match. Momo is a speed demon, zipping around the tank. Poofy is slow and clumsy. When I feed them, Poofy is like "where's the food? I can't find the food! Where did it go? Oh, there it is. Wait, doh! It's gone. Where's the food?" His cheeks get in the way and he can't see where the food is.

Momo is like "Food! There's the food! I found food! Food! Food! Here, Poofy. Have a piece of food! Ha! Just kidding! Foooooooood!!!"

So long, Momo.

2009-01-11T17:52:00.000-08:00

Last Wednesday, the alarm went off at 5:30, just like it does every morning. I crawled out of bed and wandered over to the fish tank.

"Good morning, guys. Are we ready for breakfast?"

Yes, I talk to my fish.

I sprinkled the daily dose of fish food into the tank. Our three fish, Momo, Momo & Momo are usually waiting for me in the corner of the tank. This time, there were only 2 Momos.

"Okay, guy. Where are you?" I looked behind the plants and found him near the fake corral reef, floating sideways at the bottom of the tank.

"Well, shit."

I grabbed the net and dutifully scooped him out of the tank and gave him a burial at sea.

I didn't want to send Matthew to school all sad, so I waited all day to tell him. "Matthew, I have to tell you something important. Momo died this morning."

"Which one? The brown one?"

"No, the one with the white belly."

"But, that was my favorite one!" And he broke down in tears, wailing a heartbreaking cry that comes straight from the gut. "I want to go home and see him."

Well, shit.

"Matthew, he's already gone. He's in the lake because fish don't belong in the ground. They belong in the water. We'll go out to the lake and say goodbye. Okay?"

So, I drove out to the lake, which is covered in ice. He started wailing again "Goodbye, Momo. I love you." He made my heart hurt. "I want another fish just like Momo. Maybe we can get his grandson. I really miss Momo."

When we got to the pet store, Matthew scoured the fish tanks looking for the perfect one. There were plenty of fish that resembled Momo. But, he had to fall in love with one of the ugliest looking fish I've ever seen in my life.

Welcome Poofy, the Bubble Eye Goldfish. He definitely has ... character.

Where is my bailout?

2008-12-20T08:02:00.000-08:00

During the Clinton administration, the powers that be determined that it would be more beneficial for the economy if the banks were deregulated. The banks were regulated by the Glass-Steagall Act in 1933 when the banking system collapsed. The Act effectively separated the different functions of banks. The investment part was separate from the banking part. Which meant that a bank could not lend to an entity, just so the entity could invest the money back into the bank. And if the banks' stocks were to fall, the deposits held within the bank would not be affected.

In 1987, it was legislated that if there are conflicts of interest, the government could intervene. Since banks in other countries have successfully delved into the business of lending and investing, by golly, we should do it too! (Why does that argument work with things like deregulation but not with Universal Healthcare?) In 1999, all of that changed and banks like Citigroup were allowed to purchase mortgage backed securities. I'm sure the $300 million spent on lobbying our elected officials had plenty to do with that decision.

Too bad they haven't learned by now that greed is no way to legislate. One only has to look at the airline industry to see how effective deregulation is.

And now, with this new batch of money being flushed down the toilet, we are bailing out the auto industry.

What ever happened to free enterprise?

The American auto companies are in trouble because they are idiots. Free enterprise is the quintessential law of supply and demand. If consumers want to buy foreign, that is their prerogative. If the American companies want to stay afloat, they need to give consumers what they want. Obviously, they don't have what it takes or they wouldn't require such a huge bailout.

The auto companies need to become more competitive. Throwing money at a problem doesn't make it go away. Offering them billions is merely placing a bandaid over a grossly infected bullet wound. Their infrastructure needs to change. Cars need to be more affordable and the execs need to stop being so damn greedy.

Why do the executives get multi-million dollar benefits package when those that are working on the assembly line are living from paycheck to paycheck? I wonder if the executives are worrying about how their bills are going to be paid because they are only receiving 80% of their paychecks for the next month. I doubt it. They probably hire someone to worry for them.

I'm more than a little irked that my tax money is being spent on frivolous pork barrel spending and it makes me wonder where my bailout is. I can mismanage money as well as the next guy. But, when I do it, the only thing I get is an overdraft notice and an increased interest rate on my credit card. I most certainly don't have a line of senators offering to pay off my car and guarantee a mortgage so that I can buy a house with 0% APR .

Since I'm not getting any help, I don't think the companies should be bailed out by the government, either. Yeah, it would hurt the lower sections of the economical totem pole. But, that is what happens when everybody wants the government to stay out of business enterprises. It is survival of the fittest...dog eats dog and all of that.

Ain't deregulation great?

We now return to your regularly scheduled program.

Frustrations, People & all things Wicked

2008-12-12T18:18:00.000-08:00

Wicked, the broadway musical is coming to Salt Lake City next year, just in time for my birthday! The tickets went on sale today...I have been looking forward to this moment all year!

I hate people.

My friend Traci was going to stand in line to get tickets, they were going on sale at 7:00 this morning and she got there at 6:00. The line was already 3/4 around the block. She called me so that I could log in at 10:00 to try and get tickets when they were released for online / phone sales.

I hate people.

I began dialing at 9:54. I didn't even have to dial the numbers! It was preprogrammed into my phone, so I just had to hit "ok" twice, hang up and repeat. Not that difficult, right? I did that for 1 1/2 hours straight and I still couldn't get through. I tried ordering online, but when it got to the "complete order", the page would time out.

I hate people.

The reason why nobody could get through is because of stupid bots. People have programmed bots that continuously dial the phone or repeatedly log in to websites, faster than mere humans can. The show sold out in 4 1/2 hours...a month full of shows! Now, they are being sold on Craigslist and Ebay for 4 & 5 times their face value.

The people that were buying up the tickets had no intention to see the show. They wanted to make a profit and prevent other people from seeing the show.

Selfish bastards

AND THEN!!!

My periodontist (whom I love!) wrote a lifetime prescription for an antibiotic so that I don't lose my teeth. It's not a common drug, so the drug store had to order it. I went in on the 30th to fill the prescription, the tech said the pharmacist would be in on Monday. But, I had enough to last me 10 days. I took all of the pills but haven't been able to get back to the pharmacy.

Tonight, I was on that end of town and decided to pick up my non-hallucinogenic drugs.

Except for, I can't.

"You lost your prescription when you didn't come pick it up in 10 days."

"I figured you would have called me if it came in."

"Yeah, we should have."

By this time, a couple of yahoos drive up with their windows down, cigarette smoke pouring from the car. The kicker? There was a baby in the back seat. They continue to puff away and pollute my oxygen.

Thanks. Asshole.

"So, now I have to get my dentist to rewrite another prescription because I am 2 days late from picking up a prescription that I didn't know was ready? Shouldn't have somebody told me when I picked it up the first time that I had 10 days to pick up the remainder?"

"In a perfect world, yes. They would have told you that. But, we don't live in a perfect world."

Say what?

Then she helpfully suggested "you have infinite refills on this particular prescription until November 2009. We can have it ready in 40 minutes."

What was hard about that? Why couldn't she start with that instead of all of this you lost your prescription. I lose a lot of things. But, it is hard to lose something you never had...even for me.

Then the mommy smoker threw her cigarette butt on the ground.

I really hate it when people do that. As if it is going to magically disappear. Don't they realize that someone else is going to have to pick up their nasty germs? Gross.

"Hey. You. Yeah. You dropped something."

What? I'm just trying to be helpful.

Then when I get home, I see an Amazon package waiting for me on the porch. I ordered some books for $.01, so I figured that's what it was. When I open it, everything is wrapped in cute wrapping paper with a note that says "open your presents first". So, I did thinking that I had accidentally clicked the wrapping box when I completed my order.

Oops. Not my books.

It was my favorite show on DVD. All 3 seasons!

I love my husband. Mostly because he hates that show but bought them for me anyway. What a nice guy! I might let him get to second base when he gets home.

Maybe.

Okay, so I don't hate all people. Just the dumb ones.

Now this is just sexy!!!

2008-12-09T19:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, I totally dig my guy...but Beyonce is HOT!

I'm fairly certain I would break something if I were to do that. After I figure out how to get my hips to do that thing without injuring myself, I'm going to figure out how to do it in those shoes! I can't even walk across a flat surface barefoot and she's prancing around in 3" stilettos.

Life isn't fair.

As long as we are talking about what's not fair, let's discuss Shakira.

Or rather, let's not.

2008

2008-12-06T14:52:00.001-08:00

I just realized that 2008 is almost over! I can't wait for this year to be over and start fresh with 2009.

I don't really do new year resolutions. I think that life is a work in progress and any day is a good place to start self improvement.

My most recent goals were to be a more patient driver (still working on that...sorry if that was you that I flipped off. But seriously, Your Royal Highness, your ass doesn't own the fast lane.)

I also realized that holding a grudge was doing nothing but raising my blood pressure. And quite honestly, I deserve better than that. In my quest for inner peace, I've tried my hand at forgiveness. That's not to say I've forgotten, I'm no idiot ... I'm just not angry about it anymore. It's not so much for you, it's about me. Get over yourself.

And I figured that life really is too short to sweat the small stuff. From here on out, I am living my life with no regrets. I don't want to be 90 years old, wishing I would have carpe diem when I had the opportunity.

Next year will be awesome. I'm determined to make it so.

Let's crack open a Bud Light and toast to another year.

::cheers::

Thanksgiving means family

2008-11-29T17:00:00.000-08:00

This year is the first Thanksgiving without Jay and is also the first one since my grandpa died. It wasn't, however, the first year for me to bake the turkey. I should be a pro by now. But, I'm not. There is a reason why my freezer is stocked with frozen dinners.

My mom bought a huge 20 lb. turkey. Since she had to work, I volunteered to bake it. Every year since Jay and I have been married, I've cooked a smoked turkey. I figure this was a safe choice because a.) they are precooked and b.) they require almost no seasoning. Too easy! But this year, I actually had to do something with the turkey.

I googled the perfect recipe.

God bless Google.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/good-eats-roast-turkey-recipe/index.html

My sister was my self-appointed sous chef, insisting that she taste everything (mostly the frog eye salad). I didn't have all of the ingredients, so I improvised. I used chicken stock and dried herbs.

After the brine had been sufficiently boiled, JoAnn took it upon herself to drink a shot. Maybe not a shot, more like a teaspoon.

A very full teaspoon.

She was like "Jonnie, I think you did something wrong. There is an entire cup of salt in there."

** insert pause and dumbfounded look here **

"Duh. I'm supposed to dilute with with a gallon of ice water."

That should teach her to go nibbling around MY kitchen.

Later that night, I called my mom to tell her about the brine incident (which, btw, is being filed away with the "haunted forest" incident). Mom informed me that she had been baking the 27 lb. ham since 6 am that morning. We are talking a full 32 hours before dinner, folks.

Hey now. Don't knock it! I happen to like it when my meal can double as tinder.

That night, I dreamed that I was supposed to be cooking the turkey for 15 hours and panicked when my alarm went off at 5:00 Thanksgiving morning. It wasn't until after I had the turkey stuffed with apples and cinnamon sticks (I know, right?) that I remembered non-combustible foods only need to be cooked 30 minutes per pound.

My turkey turned out awesome!!! And it wasn't until my cousin Skeet carved the piece de resistance that I realized (actually, he pointed it out) that I had left the innerds in the bird. (Which was probably better, otherwise I would have been stuffing the bird with Wednesday's dinner.)

All in all, it was a pretty good day. Sure, there were important people missing from the dinner table. But, their absence made me so much more grateful for their presence. And next year, when Jaysen is home and I'm not cooking the turkey, I will feel even more blessed.

Giving Thanks

2008-11-25T20:53:00.000-08:00

This year has been crazy insane. Jaysen left. My grandparents died 6 months apart from each other. The economy has gone to Hell in a handbasket.

And yet there is plenty to be thankful for.

1. I have a fabulous husband whom I love very dearly.
2. Our beautiful son is happy, healthy and makes me laugh every day.
3. Even though I enjoy sleeping in, I am very grateful to have a job to wake up for.
4. Ahhh...Edward. Seriously, I am so glad that I have small distractions from life.
5. I am always beyond proud and grateful to have been born in a country where my pursuit for an education is guaranteed and I have rights as a human ... even though I am of the superior gender.
6. I like being a girl.
7. I like boys...well, men. One in particular...but he's half dead, fictional, and no real threat to Jaysen. (Which is a relief, I'm sure. He's undoubtedly lost sleep over it.)
8. I'm thankful that Matthew doesn't know hunger but feels for the children that do.
9. Life on NBC. I love Damien Lewis.
10. Though I have lost many loved ones. I am thankful that I was blessed enough to know them in this lifetime. I believe that knowing them has made me a better person.

Content Advisory In loving memory of Peter Connolly. An angel is home. Content Advisory

2008-11-21T17:19:00.000-08:00

I want you to remember this name: Peter Connolly. Otherwise known as Baby P. If you google Baby P Peter Connolly, you will probably be directed to a page that has been removed. The British government is trying to protect the identities of those that are responsible for his death. I think this is partly to protect their family and to protect the murderers from vigilantes.

I personally believe Baby Peter deserves to be remembered.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/baby-p/3497641/Government-U-turn-over-Baby-P-report.html

Peter was a baby in Great Britain that was murdered by 3 horrendous, soulless monsters. What hurts the most is that one of the monsters was called "mum".

The system that should have saved him failed him - miserably.

Doctors and social workers (professionals that are trained to spot abuse) were oblivious to plight of Peter. Days before he died, "Dr. Sabah Al-Zayyat noticed bruises to his body but decided she could not carry out a full systemic examination because the boy was 'miserable and cranky'."

Ya think?

Had she examined him, she would have known that his spine had been snapped in half and eight ribs had been broken. It was as if somebody had forced him to bend over backwards...like a hinge. I think that warrants a little crankiness.

A few days later, he was dead. He was left to die alone in his crib after someone punched him in the face. A tooth was found in his colon.

My heart hurts for this little boy. I can't even begin to imagine the hell that this angel had to go through during his short stay on earth.

Look at his beautiful face!

http://media3.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/photo/2008/11/13/PH2008111303526.jpg

The system is broken. Though this happened in England, things like this happen every day in the U.S. Abusers can cover up the physical symptoms of abuse and neglect, but there are always going to be signs that aren't easily camoflauged.

Anne Walker, a childminder: "He was dying. I told [social services] about his state. I said things were not right. But nothing was done. If someone had taken action we would not be mourning the loss of a baby's life. The warning signs were all there."

Please remember Peter so that his death has not been in vain. Pass on this story and don't let Peter's suffering be silenced.

FYI: In the United States, whose population is roughly six times larger than England, the federal government says an estimated 1,530 children died due to child abuse or neglect in 2006 _ with about 75 percent of those deaths attributable to a parent.

Secrets and other thoughts

2008-11-17T18:48:00.000-08:00

I love waking up every Sunday morning and reading the latest batch of secrets on postsecret.com.

***

When I was a kid, I believed that little gnomes lived in the traffic lights and physically changed the color of the light when the line of cars got too long. It was a complicated system of ladders and lenses...very sophisticated for gnomes.

***

When Matthew was a baby, he would cry for his bottle. I wondered if babies figured that's how things worked: they cry, the bottle magically appears. Did he know that mom and dad were taking care of him?

Fast forward five years.

Matthew would fall asleep watching TV. One night, he was getting ready for bed and I went to turn off his TV. "It's okay, mom. It turns off by itself after I go to sleep." He had no idea that I was going in after he fell asleep and turning it off.

That's when it hit me.

Babies figure that crying = a magically full tummy. Mom and dad are nowhere in the equation.

So now you know...and knowing is half the battle.

***

You're welcome.

No regrets

2008-11-08T23:07:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago, it snowed. I love stepping outside and smelling the crisp air, scrubbed clean by the falling snowflakes. And I love love love the way the midnight sky looks right before a snow storm and the smell of burning wood as people light the fire places to escape from the cold.

It smells kind of like grandma and grandpa's house...well, exactly like grandma and grandpa's house.

My favorite memories are of Thanksgiving at their house when I was a kid. Grandpa would be watching the Macy's parade while Grandma finished up in the kitchen. We're a HUGE family and it was a feat to cram all of us into their house, but we managed to do it.

If I had known then that my Thanksgiving meals with the two greatest people in the world were numbered, I would have appreciated them a little bit more. Instead, I took it all for granted.

For me, the holidays are a time of spiritual reflection. I've lost many important people in my life and eventually, I learned that you are doing yourself a disservice if you are taking life for granted. The last phone call I had with my dad wasn't life altering, though I wish it had been. I wish I hadn't assumed that he was invincible and was going to be around for eternity. I wish I would have told him that he was a great dad and then I would have told him how much I loved him. Hindsight is 20 / 20. The best you can do is learn from your mistakes and move on.

I had the unique opportunity in gaining closure with my grandma, though her mind was so far gone, I don't know if it made a difference to her or not. But practice makes perfect and before grandpa died, I made sure he knew that he was loved and that the world was made a better place because he was in it. And I am eternally thankful for that.

A couple of years ago, Grandpa had a stroke. He was in rehab when the nurse said we could take him out for the day. I had offered to spring him from the joint and take him to Cracker Barrel for a lunch date. (That's another thing I am thankful for...my dates with grandpa.) I got to the hospital early but apparenlty, he wasn't supposed to leave with me that day. The nurses were late getting him ready and then they had to take a catheter in his arm out, so it wouldn't get infected. But they had taped it on to his arm pretty good and it wasn't coming off. The nurse had to take another 30 seconds to get some scissors and then grandpa had another stroke...while I was standing right there.

He started slurring his words and leaning to one side. I remember looking at the nurse and saying "something is not right. Catch him." She hurried to get him a wheelchair and he had to spend another 2 weeks in rehab.

I told my Aunt Lola that at that moment, I wanted an adult to be there. She goes "Honey, you are an adult."

What? When in the hell did that happen?!? More importantly, why wasn't I notified?

Somewhere along the line, I stopped sitting at the kiddie table and moved up to the grown up table. Now, it is up to me to create memories for Matthew so that when he is older, he can look back and say that he was lucky to have learned early on to live life with no regrets.

Election Night

2008-11-06T17:40:00.000-08:00

I am so relieved that Obama won. I am so proud that this country has evolved to a point where we can have a leader that has broken the stereotypical mold. For the first time in my adult life, I voted for a candidate instead of voting against the other person. I even voted early because I couldn't wait. Even though I knew a democratic vote in Utah county wouldn't count, I voted anyway...and got my mom to vote for the first time in my entire life.

The night of the election, I was chatting online with Jaysen, giving him a play by play of the election. He was predicting that the election was rigged and that the Republicans would once again steal it. They didn't and the days of the Bush regime is numbered. And I am so incredibly thankful.

Here is my conversation with Jaysen from November 4th.

8:54 PM me: I can't believe that Obama and McCain are so close
and if that is any indication...Obama could still take [Utah]
8:56 PM Jaysen: close where in utah
me: [Utah's] early votes have already been tallied and [Obama] took 48% of the early votes
8:57 PM The racist senator is out...the one who said it was an ugly black baby
8:58 PM I'm waiting for Utah county
8:59 PM Jaysen: so who did the senate seat go to? red or blue?
me: It looks like it is going to be a democratic majority
9:00 PM They might even get a veto proof senate
IT'S OFFICIAL
OMFG!!!
OMFG!!!
YES!
YES!
9:01 PM Jaysen: what is
me: HE WON, JAY
OMG I'm shaking so hard
He won
9:04 PM I can't stop crying
9:06 PM Jaysen: it's ok, you are a part of history. it happens.
me: I know
Jaysen: i just wish i was home

God, how I wish he were home. That night was great...even if I ended up crying like a damn baby. Seriously, I cried for about an hour after the announcement.

I hope that we were right in electing him.

The thing I don't understand is how they could call the vote at 9:00 pm, when the entire nation's ballots hadn't been counted yet...you would think they'd at least pretend that Alaska and Hawaii matter.

Maybe in 2012, they will save the rest of us the hassle and just poll Ohio and Florida to see who wins. Let them deal with the negative campaigns and spare the rest of us from the mud-slinging.

Words can't explain...

2008-11-04T20:06:00.000-08:00

It is great to be a part of history. It is almost mind numbing ...

I get a little sentimental when I talk about this great country. Truly, I love it. We are awarded such great freedoms that Americans often take for granted. I have even been known to get overly emotional, for pete sake, I cry during the National Anthem!

After nearly 2 years of mud slinging, it's over. So tonight, I'm going to enjoy this victory and be thankful that I get to be a part of history. When my great grandmas Sarah and Sophia were young, they weren't even allowed to vote. When my grandparents were young, they wouldn't have been able to vote for anyone other than a caucasian man.

History is being made, my friends. Regardless of your political affiliation, I hope you take the time to appreciate the progress that our country has made in the last fifty years. Ain't it great?

I am a nerd

2008-11-03T18:18:00.000-08:00

When I was growing up, I loved paper and pens. If I wasn't reading, I was writing. I've always been like that. Once I pick up a book, I can't put it down (I actually read Breaking Dawn in a single day with 3 hours of sleep). But then, when I finish reading, I'm done with that book. As a general rule, I don't keep them. Sometimes I give them to friends and I have actually thrown some away! (Sad, but true.)

Then, I found this website that lets you swap books for free. I love love love this website!

Here's how it works...

You sign up and list some books that you would like to trade. If someone requests your book, you pay for the shipping and then get a point. With that point, you request a book from someone and then they pay the shipping...and so goes the cycle.

And guess what?!? They do it with DVDs, too!!! I am so stinkin excited about these things. (Hey, I get easily excited these days, okay?!?)

If you decide to sign up, tell them that JonnieAngel sent ya. Even though I really enjoy a good book, I've traded more DVDs than I have books. I still don't have the stomach to put up Harry Potter or Twilight.

If anybody has a suggestion for a good read, please let me know. I'm always up for something new.

That's what matters, anyway.

2008-10-21T17:04:00.000-07:00

Matthew brought me a "notebook" of drawings that he had made. On the back of his drawings was my annual review.

Yeah.

I looked at the papers and said "No! No! No! Matthew! Those were very important papers."

"I'm sorry, Mom."

I put the papers aside and complimented his work. Those stick figures are some of the best I've ever seen.

"Mom? Can you look at the pictures, please? I made a story."

So, I flip through the pages and listen to his sound effects that belong to the corresponding pages. The first page is Boba Fett and Luke Skywalker fighting.

* insert light saber sound here *

The second page is a little boy on his knees, begging.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!"

The third page is a little boy laying on the ground, pounding his hands and feet.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

The next four pages repeat the story, with an extra "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!" thrown in for good measure.

"Matthew, what is this story about?"

"I want to play Star Wars, can I? Please?" He hesitates for a second. "I'm sorry I did that."

Honestly, 20 years from now, I'm not going to care what was written on my annual review (though, I have to admit it is a damn good review). 20 years from now, I'm going to be laughing when Matthew tells me about how his children are destroying valuable documents with their impromptu art sessions. Then I will pull out the Star Wars story that I've would have saved all those years and show him how payback is a bitch.

All by myself!

2008-10-16T18:12:00.000-07:00

We used to have Digis, which sucks. (And that is a story in itself.)

After Jay left, I called another wireless company to get better internet. Should be easy, right?

Not so fast.

First, you should know that Jaysen is a technology addict. Some men like power tools, others like porn and some go for the alcohol and smokes. Give Jaysen $10,000 in a place like Best Buy, he would be in heaven. I'm betting that the only way Best Buy would be any better for him is if the nerds were replaced by smart Hooters girls on skates.

Before he left for Kuwait, Jaysen had set up our VOIP so that we could plug the phones in any phone jack throughout the house and they would work. That way, we wouldn't have to run telephone lines from the modem of the second floor to the first floor where we wanted our phone to be plugged in.

He's a genius, I tell ya.

Today "the guy" came in to connect my internet and he doesn't think Jay is a genius, at all.

Poor guy.

He opened my closet and found the rats nest of wires that Jaysen left behind. The guy started talking trash about his work. I was already flustered and finally said "Could you please be less insulting to my husband? He's won awards for his work and has helped establish communications in third world countries. He knows what he is doing. There is a reason it is done like that."

He said "But he's not here. That's the problem." Oh, I am so sorry that his absence is an inconvenience for you.

"Yeah." I agreed, "that's a problem on a multitude of levels."

The guy had to leave because he had other appointments. Before he left he said "I can fix it. But it's going to take 2 or 3 hours. My boss will probably make me start from scratch and I don't know when I will be able to do it." Yeah, your boss probably will ask that you start from scratch. Mostly because they are wanting to charge $75 / hour.

After he left, Jaysen called me and walked me through how to tone out the cables. I had all of the rooms figured out in under 20 minutes. Now all of the cables are color coded all pretty-like.

You can't really see it, but the cat5 cables now have fluorescent stickers on them. Those stickers match other stickers that are on the telephone jack in every room of our house. There was one that has no match and that one is that one that we are looking for, because it belongs outside. Clever, huh?

I can't take credit for all of it. My genius husband walked me through step by step and room by room. It would have been better if he were home to do it himself...naked. He doesn't have to be naked, but while I'm fantasizing about him being home...

When the guy came back, I think he wasn't expecting me to do what I did. Guy 2 had called earlier and said "I just spoke to the guy and he said that it's probably going to take more than an hour and he will have to reschedule."

"No, it's not. I've already toned all of the cables out for him." (For the record, I don't know if that's the technical term or not. I just like sounding as if I know what I am talking about.)

"He needs to find the D cable."

"I've already found it for him."

See?

"He will come back after 4:00 and reassess what needs to be done."

Darn tootin.

When the guy came back, he was relieved that I had fixed whatever was bothering him before. I asked him if he would set it up so the router would work in my bedroom. "No, I can't. I don't have time to find the cable that's going to your room."

Not to be outdone by some dumb boy, I pointed out "you don't have to. It's the yellow one." So he connected the yellow cable and the outside cable. When he was outside, I went upstairs and connected the Cat5 jackbox using the green wire and the brown wire for the orange wire. I even did it right the first time!

* insert victory dance here *

When the guy came back in, he was surprised that I had connected it all by myself...though not as surprised as I was. I didn't mess it up!!!

Woohoo!

*happy feet*

Just me, again. You can calm down now.

2008-10-13T16:02:00.000-07:00

With Jaysen gone, it is easy to slip into a 'woe is me' frame of mind. It is difficult to appreciate the happy times of the moment, because in the back of my mind, I'm always thinking about how much better it would be if Jay were home.

Last night, I was thinking about how lucky I am to realize what I have. Many people are content with just existing. Their sole purpose in life is to just make it until tomorrow. They have no plans beyond that. They aren't really concerned with raising adults, they are more concerned with their own immediate gratifications.

I don't understand that. I can't take Matthew for granted because every minute, I think about how Jaysen is missing the small things.

I look at Matthew and I am absolutely amazed at the little person he has become. He tells me about 20 times a day how much he loves me. I'm looking forward to the person he is going to be, but at the same time, I want him to stay little forever just so Jaysen can help me raise him. After all, Matthew is so much like his dad, it's scary.

When Jaysen came home a couple of weeks ago (was it really just a few days ago?!?), Jaysen would say things like "they are just stuckin stupid". One day, we were driving on the freeway and I said something like "okay, you can slow down now." Jaysen's replied with "Why? I'm driving like a Utahn." Matthew pipes up from the back seat, "Daddy, are you stuckin stupid, too?" Nice, Jay.

Those two weeks that Jay were home went by incredibly fast. After he left, I remember thinking "was he even home?" His presence felt very surreal, like a hallucination. No matter how much I willed for the 29th to never come, it did. And it is hard to believe that it is actually 2 weeks behind me. It doesn't feel like I picked him up from the airport a month ago. Somedays, it doesn't feel like that day existed at all. If it weren't for the dirty clothes he left for me to wash and the vacuum cleaner that he tore apart and left in pieces, it would almost feel like he wasn't home at all.

I hope the next four months go by as quickly as the last few years. But then I feel like I am wishing Matthew's innocence away.

When Matthew was 4, I asked him "How much do you love me?" He thought of the biggest number that his little mind could imagine.

"Four."

"Four? Wow. That is a lot."

"Mm hm," he'd nod in agreement.

Now that he is much older and wiser, he says things like "I love you one thousand hundred fifty nine eight." I'm not sure how much that is, but I'm fairly certain that I love him more than that.

I think of things like that that Jaysen is missing. Pretty soon, Matthew isn't going to measure his love in imaginary numbers. Pretty soon, Matthew's love is going to be very well guarded and camoflauged in a front of teenage superiority. At least Jaysen will be home for the all important "man talk". I've already had the privilege of dodging the "morning wood" question.

Yup. I said it.

Wood.

You know, Matthew should be thankful that Dad was home to answer that question. My answer would have been a little too scientific. "I don't know. But if you touch it, it will fall off."

LMAO

Just kidding.

Ramblings...

2008-10-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

This morning, we were watching Sleeping Beauty before Matthew went to school. It got to the part where the last little fairy is casting her spell on Aurora. It's this big long poem about love's first kiss and Matthew asked "What does that mean?"

I explained "it means that instead of dying, she is going to fall asleep. When her true love kisses her, she will wake up."

"Like her brother?"

"No, not her brother. Like her boyfriend."

He got this disgusting look on his face. "You have got to be kidding me! Please, tell me you're joking."

...

The other day, I was sitting with Matthew, helping him with his homework. He was trying to negotiate the two pages down to one line and it wasn't working.

Then he started crying. I love Matthew's face and when he cries, he looks just like he did when he was a baby. And I love that face so much that it is difficult for me to keep a straight face when he looks like that.

But then he did this face that I've never seen before. His upper lip did this V kind of thing and he started crying even harder. I asked him what was wrong and he goes "I just really miss Daddy." Then it hit me. The reason why I'd never seen this face before was because it was the face of a broken heart.

I tried to take a picture of it, because it is still a beautiful face and the emotion was so raw and real. But, he was embarrassed and wouldn't let me take it. To be honest, I hope I never have to see that particular face again. Mostly because I don't like the feelings that are behind it.

It will all be better soon.

Voter Registration Deadline

2008-10-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

Consider yourself told...

Padawan Mateo meets the Force

2008-10-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

Matthew was faced with a destiny altering decision. Does he do the right thing and stay in the light or does he do the easy thing and go to the dark side?

Click on the video to find out.

"The Cab Ride I'll Never Forget"

2008-10-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

My friend Ashley has this on her website. She stole it from someone else's blog and I'm borrowing it from hers. It's a beautiful story, one I take to heart.

Click on the title to read the full story. Enjoy.

The Cab Ride I'll Never Forget

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

Victory is mine!

2008-09-30T19:59:00.002-07:00

Jaysen bought Matthew a video game while he was home (actually, Jaysen bought Jaysen a video game but I digress). The game was fun while Jaysen was home to get Matthew through the difficult levels as I'm not technologically savvy at all. Matthew is usually the one to educate me on all things Wii and this time, both of us were baffled.

Lego Batman is a fun game, Matthew seems to enjoy it. He got to "Little Fun at the Big Top" and we could not figure out how to get around this stupid bus. I probably spent a good 30 minutes trying to blow it up, batarang it, and even climb over it. Between yesterday and today, we've spent 2 or 3 hours trying to figure it out.

Tonight, I finally figured it out. That's right. Me.

For those that are wondering, the bus had nothing to do with the equation. The way around the bus was through an obscure door in front of a slide. We went down that slide 4 or 5 times and I never thought to go through that stupid door.

Maybe I have gaming potential, after all.

I'm not crying today. I'm not.

2008-09-29T14:41:00.000-07:00

I told myself I wasn't going to cry today. This morning, I felt fine. I didn't wake up sad, at all. All the way to the airport, I felt fine. When we got the airport, I cried as I hugged him goodbye. But after I got in the car, I was fine. (Fine is the word of the day, in case you missed it.)

I spent the rest of the day with my family, trying to delay coming home to an empty house. But, there are things that need to be done and I can't keep putting off the inevitable. When I pulled into the driveway, I couldn't help but think that Jaysen was the last person to touch the doorknob. Stupid, I know.

After I unlocked the door that Jaysen locked, I walked into a house that has Jaysen all over it. He woke up early this morning and curled up on the couch. The pillow and blanket still smell like him. I'm sure if I go upstairs, his dirty clothes will be on the bathroom floor, the walls still wet from his early morning shower. The coffee is still in the pot, made just the way he likes it (toxic sludge, anyone?)

Eventually, the pillow will stop smelling like him (especially if I keep breathing on it!), his clothes will be washed and his imprints will all but disappear. Sometimes, I hate the army life but I am extremely proud of my husband. Besides, he is good at what he does. But damn, I really miss him and he hasn't even been gone 12 hours yet.

I know this feeling of desperation will fade in a few days. Luckily (or perhaps, unluckily) I started a new semester of school today and I have to go to work tomorrow, so my hours of self pity are limited.

On a positive note, this means that my friends will get to see their husbands soon as their leave rotations are coming up.

And then...he will be home and we will get back our normal.

Shamu! Shamu!

2008-09-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

We had fun at Sea World. The highlight of Matthew's day was seeing the Shamu show. The trainers led the audience in a rousing rendition of "Shamu! Shamu!" It's a cheer made up of the signals they use to get Shamu to splash the audience. It goes like this:

Left arm! Right arm! SHAMU! SHAMU! Rinse and repeat.

We sat in the "soak zone", but that wasn't close enough for Matthew. He ran up to the front of the stadium to get soaked. He forgot about the "left arm, right arm", but had fun with the "Shamu! Shamu!" part.

That's Matthew up front in the white shirt. And if you're wondering, that's me screaming because we got soaked too, only I wasn't expecting it.

Splash Mountain

2008-09-24T15:04:00.000-07:00

We are back from our little vacation and I already want to go back. It was nice to put real life away for a few minutes and forget about everything waiting for us back home.

There is a big sign at Disneyland that says "Where elephants fly and time stands still". Lies! Time actually moves faster when you step through the magical gates. If my feet would let me, I could go every day forever. As it is, they are killing me from walking around non-stop for the last four days.

I'll post pictures from our vacay later because we had a blast and I want to share each and every mind numbing moment with you. (You're welcome.)

We went to Sea World, Legoland and both parks at Disneyland. The highlight of my entire vacation came at the end of Splash Mountain. We had just gotten off of the ride and were soaked. (I'm positive that my hair looked awesome. I refuse to believe that I looked like a drown rat. Absolutely refuse!)

As we were exiting the ride, I noticed a Disney cast member, looking not very happy coming the wrong way up the exit ramp. She was closely followed by a bunch of kids and ... Ray Romano.

Yup. The one and only.

Now, I'm fairly certain we had a private moment in the split second that he was an arms length away from me. I could be wrong, but I'm positive that he couldn't make eye contact with me because he was so overcome by my very presence. You know, I don't blame him for not wanting to make a scene in front of my husband ... after all, Jaysen has spent the better part of his deployment bulking up. I would have been intimidated, too.

Okay, here's how it really went.

We got off of the ride and Matthew made a beeline for the walkway with Jaysen following not far behind. I'm a few feet behind them, yelling "Matthew. Please stop. Wait for us, please." Then Ray Ray (as he prefers me to call him) passes through with his entourage. My face looked something like this:

Jaysen was up ahead taking care of Matthew and totally playing it cool.

Not me.

Ray was closer to me than Jaysen was and was undoubtedly praying that I didn't try to rape him in front of his children. I was desperately trying to play it cool. I whispered loud enough for Ray to hear but not loud enough for Jaysen to stop me. "Jaysen! Jaysen! Jaysen!" By then, Jaysen came back up the ramp to make sure I wasn't damaging this poor man before he could enjoy Splash Mountain. "Did you see who that was?"

Of course he did and of course he doesn't really care. Jaysen's observation? "Wow. Ray Romano does have a really big nose."

For once, he was right.

Living in the Moment

2008-09-18T18:22:00.000-07:00

"I wasn't in the moment. If I'd stayed in the moment, if I'd stayed present, I would have been okay, but I didn't. I was thinking about where we're going next. So I left the moment just when I should have been completely in the moment, which is when people usually leave the moment, but the moment is just too much for, which is pretty much always too much. I was thinking about where we're gonna go next" (Charlie Crews, Life on NBC).

...

"Life" on NBC is our new favorite series. It was cut short last season because of the writers' strike, but it was on long enough for me to fall in love. It is my escape.

Since Jaysen has been home, life has been easier. I like having him here. Today, I watched as Jaysen and Matthew played in the pool together. They act as though the last 6 months never existed and ten days from now is actually an eternity from now. I tried to memorize every minute detail. The smile on Matthew's face as he's riding on daddy's back, being pulled across the water. Matthew's laughter as he anticipated Jaysen's next move when he sunk below the surface.

On a side note. Matthew is the unstealthiest attacker, ever. He whispered in my ear "Mommy. Let's go get daddy." We nonchanlantly mosied over to Jaysen's side of the pool. I could see Matthew's grin and I was directly behind him. Trying not to reveal our plan, Matthew clasped both hands over his mouth, trying to contain the escaping giggle.

I still don't know how Jaysen figured us out. ;o)

...

You know, we've done this deployment routine too many times to count. And it never gets easier. The thought of him walking away from us at the airport physically hurts me. It's like there is this hollowness in the pit of my stomach. Try as I might, I can't make that feeling go away.

I know that I have to learn to live in the moment. That is easier said than done.

My goal for the next (refusing to count on my fingers) few days is to just be here, be in the moment. I am going to enjoy what time we do have with him and laugh as often as I can.

I will let you know how that goes.

He's home!

2008-09-14T13:58:00.000-07:00

Friday, I made the mistake of telling Matthew that daddy would be home in a few hours. Friday night, Matthew was a little (a lot) put out (read: he was mad) that I wouldn't go get daddy right that minute. "Mom? Did you forget something? We are supposed to go get daddy." Luckily, Matthew was here to remind me. Otherwise, I'm sure Jaysen would be thumbing his way home.

Friday night, Ike was consuming the Gulf of Mexico and I had no idea where in the world Jaysen was. I don't think any of us got much sleep that night. Sleep is so over rated, anyway.

8:00 Saturday morning, Jaysen called to say he would be flying into Salt Lake at 11:00 am. Counting driving time, I had 2 hours to get Matthew and me ready. 2 hours? I hope he's not hoping for some sort of miracle. Perfection takes time!

I tried to convince Matthew into yelling out "Dar dar!" when he saw Jaysen come out of the gate. We perched ourselves at the top landing, where we would be able to see him before he saw us. This would also give us the added benefit of being heard over the crowd. Matthew practiced diligently and promised he would do it.

We watched as one soldier walks through security. He was one of ours, but not ours. Then Jaysen comes out, spots us and waves. Matthew was so excited, he couldn't even stand up straight. "I have to hide! I have to hide!" He took off running around the nearest corner and hid near the elevator. So much for promises.

I met Jaysen at the top of the escalator, on the verge of tears. We walked around the corner and Matthew jumped into Jaysen's arms. "I missed you so much, daddy."

It's nice having him home.

Here is the warm welcome they received when they pulled into Dallas about 7 am Saturday morning. (Even Ike was rushing in to welcome them home.)

Here's a video of Teo and Dad rockin out.

More pics to come!

Just Jonnie

2008-09-12T19:32:00.001-07:00

I have posted some pictures and stuff on another blog: justjonnie.blogspot.com.

Don't forget to visit nieniedialogues.com

More of the McSame

2008-09-12T18:48:00.000-07:00

Those that know me, know that I am very patriotic. I am so grateful that my great - great - great grandparents made that maiden voyage to become Americans. There are plenty of people in this world that don't have the luxuries that we were born with. Things as simple as education and peace are often taken for granted.

Excuse me while I climb up on my soapbox...

I don't care who you vote for. I think it is a shame if you don't exercise your rights as an American to vote. People in other countries are willing to give their lives to be able to vote for a leader. Even if you believe your word doesn't really count, you should vote just because you can.

This has been your public service announcement. My name is Jonnie and I approve this message.

:D

On to the juicy stuff...

Up until recently, I was unsure of who I was voting for. John McCain has an honorable service record. His story of being held POW is one for the history books. Unfortunately, I think that is all he has going for him.

Three years before McCain was released from Hanoi Hilton, his wife Carol was in a car accident that nearly killed her. He left a beautiful, tall, model of a wife and came home to a wife that had lost 5 inches and gained weight. He was barely back into her arms before he was cheating on Carol with his new wife, Cindy.

Now, I know we've all made mistakes (Heaven knows I have my fair share). That's fine. I'm not going to blame the man for loving (lots of) women. I do, however, find fault in his obvious lack of respect for his wives.

From http://rawstory.com/news/2008/McCain_temper_boiled_over_in_92_0407.html:

At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain's face reddened, and he responded, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you c*nt."

His excuse? It was a long day. If Jaysen ever called me that, his day would be a hell of a lot longer.

Additionally, when asked if he was faithful to his current wife, he dodged the question with a remark regarding his Marine son serving in Iraq.

Speaking of respect, here are some notable quotes from Senator McSame:

http://www.womenforjohnmccain.com/?page_id=39

...

“As long as it’s inevitable, you might as well lie back and enjoy it.” ~ influential fundraiser for John McCain’s 2008 campaign, Clayton Williams, on the subject of rape; McCain subsequently postponed a fundraising appearance with Williams after scrutiny from the press, but kept the over $300,000 raised by Williams.

...

“Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, ‘Where is that marvelous ape?’” ~ John McCain (Tucson Citizen, 10/27/86,link, PDF)

...

“Elections have consequences. One of the consequences is the president of the United States gets to name his or her nominees to the bench.”
~ John McCain

...

“[R]epeal of Roe vs. Wade…would then force ‘x’ number of women in America to undergo illegal and dangerous operations.” ~ John McCain

...

“They need the education and training.” ~ John McCain on why he opposed equal pay legislation designed to ensure women who already have equal education, training, and qualifications be paid comparable salaries as men in the same job positions.

...

“My response is, Lighten up and get a life.” ~ John McCain, responding to criticism that his singing “Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb bomb Iran” to the tune of the Beach Boys’ “Barbara Ann” at a public campaign event was inappropriate and tasteless.

...

“Maybe that’s a way of killing them.” [then, after Cindy poked him in the back] ”I meant that as a joke.” ~ John McCain following up his hilarious “Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran” sing-along with another death-is-funny “joke” on how to best exterminate an entire country.

[Har. Har. Har. I'm not laughing. Perhaps you should leave being funny to the comedians.]

...

“That’s not too important.” ~ John McCain, on when U.S. troops will return from Iraq, “Today,” NBC, June 11, 2008.

...

“Make it a hundred…That would be fine with me.” ~ John McCain on how many years U.S. troops should be expected to remain in Iraq, town hall campaign event in Derry, NH, January 3, 2008.

...

“It’s a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the Iraq-Pakistan border.” ~ John McCain, showing off his geography and foreign policy expertise on Good Morning America, July 21st 2008.

[Because I'm always up for a good educational opportunity.]

See that little brown blotch to the SE of Iran? That's Pakistan.

See the little green blob in between Saudi Arabia and Iraq? That's Kuwait.

...

“I was in a conference in Germany over the weekend and President Putin of Germany gave one of the old Cold War style speeches.” ~ John McCain

[President Putin is from Russia. Chancellor Angela Merkel is from Germany.]

...

“I believe that, when he said that we had to leave Iraq, and we had to be out by last March, and we had to have a date certain, that was in contravention to — and still is — the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General David Petraeus.” ~ John McCain delivering some Straight Talk that would probably be a surprise to Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Michael Mullen

...

“…I would rather have a clean government than one where quote First Amendment rights are being respected…” ~ John McCain on the Oath of Office of the President of the United States

[The first amendment is such a pesky little thing. It's always getting in the way of democracy.]

...

“Americans have got to understand that we are paying present-day retirees with the taxes paid by young workers in America today. And that’s a disgrace. It’s an absolute disgrace, and it’s got to be fixed.” ~ John McCain on Social Security, which has been designed to work that way since its inception in 1935.

...

”The nice thing about Alzheimer’s is you get to hide your own Easter eggs.” ~ John McCain

[After years of pondering, I now know the one positive of seeing my family perish from this nasty disease. Thanks, Senator. How very enlightening.]

...

“We’ve got the bloggers. I hate the bloggers. We’ve got all kinds of sources of information.”
~ John McCain, presumably referring to those other blogs, certainly not http://www.womenforjohnmccain.com/

[There goes that pesky First Amendment again.]

...

The economy sucks. Virtually everybody knows it. Gas prices are up, food prices are up, foreclosures are up. People are losing their homes, we are on the cusp of a crisis. The federal government stepped in to bail out Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, who own roughly 50% of the nation's mortgages. This is a HUGE red flag, indicating that there is a problem.

How can John McCain relate to the millions of Americans who are facing eviction and foreclosure on the only home they've ever owned when he can't even remember how many houses he owns?

...

John McCain voted to suspend the Family and Medical Leave Act in 1993.

...

He also voted no on SCHIP, but I suppose I should be grateful that he was there to vote at all. From http://obamafactcheck.com/facts/10/343899.shtml,

"As of September 9, 2008 McCain has missed 408 out of Senate 639 votes cast in the current 110th Congress, or 63.8%; the worst Senate attendance record in the current 110th Congress.
The second-worst Senate attendance record is held by Tim Johnson (D-SD), who suffered a brain hemorrhage on Dec. 13, 2006 and spent several months recovering. Johnson has missed 311 votes, or 48.7%.

Obama comes in third, with 291 votes missed, or 45.5%. [1]

When Obama was not running for president his attendance record was much higher. During the 109th Congress, which ended in December 2006, Obama missed 11 of the 645 Senate votes cast, or 1.7%. McCain missed 58 votes in the 109th Congress, or 9.0%; the fifth-worst attendance record in the 109th Congress."

...

So, there you have it.

So Many Blessings...

2008-09-11T18:04:00.000-07:00

Forgive me for being a little emotional.

I have had a lot of things that have happened in my life that have molded me into what I am today. My dad died February 4, 2001. To date, that is the worst day of my life. Over the years, I have had plenty of time to think about him. Actually, there is not a day that goes by that I'm not wishing he were here. I can't help but think about the last time I saw him, his silhouette in the back window of Fry's truck shrinking as he drove away. The last phone call we had was a short one. I was heading out to work and couldn't talk. But, I did have the opportunity to say "I love you, daddy."

Losing him has taught me to appreciate life. If I had known that that conversation was going to be the last time I talked to him, I would have been late to work. If I had known that I would never see him again, I would have held on a little bit longer and a little tighter before we parted. And I would have made sure he knew that he was as fabulous as I think he is.

And I'm not making that same mistake with Matthew. There hasn't been a day that goes by that I don't appreciate the small things with him. He lost his front tooth a few months ago and it's starting to grow in. Pretty soon his half toothless grin will be gone forever. I love that grin.

And pretty soon, he won't be six anymore. In just a few short days, he's going to be seven. I can't quite remember when he stopped being a baby and started being a little boy. I can't pick him up and cuddle him anymore like I used to. (Even if I were able, that is a totally uncool thing to do.) It seems like we just brought him home from the hospital yesterday, premie clothes too big for his teenie body. Now, he's too big to carry upstairs.

I'm beginning to forget things. Things that I swore I'd always remember. I can't remember what his first genuine word was. What was his first sentence?

I do remember the small things, though. Like, how he says "storm troopiter". Or the time when he asked me "why?" after I told him to do something and I replied "Because I'm your mother!" He started crying genuine tears "No you're not! You're my mommy!!!" And how a few weeks ago, he was crying because he doesn't want to be a child of God. He wants to be mine and daddy's baby.

The great things in life are truly the small things.

I read about this couple in Mesa, Arizona. I've been reading her blog www.nieniedialogues.com and she is documenting the great things in life that I wished I had noticed. Stephanie enjoys life, enjoys her children and genuinely loves her husband, Christian. I don't know them personally, but I like them anyway. She had surprised her husband with flight lessons, to fulfill one of his dreams. Sadly, they were in a plane accident a few days ago, the pilot died and the two of them were burned pretty badly. Their children are staying with her family here in Provo.

Their medical bills are venturing into the millions. If you would like to donate, host an auction, or if you have another way to help out, please visit her website. Her sister is keeping up with the posts and they have created a link where you can donate. Like I said, I don't know these people. I just like putting good karma out in the world.

www.nieniedialogues.com

Holy Emotions, Batman!

2008-09-07T18:09:00.000-07:00

Jaysen is coming home this weekend. Which is great. I can't wait to see him at the airport. Every time I think about it, I start crying. I'm talking about the horrible, ugly face, big cry baby, unattractive kind of cry.

Now I am watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition, which makes me cry anyway. This time, they are creating a home for a soldier's family. The soldier is in Iraq and they flew him home for the episode. I am crying like a damn baby! I don't even know that family and I'm dreading the day that they have to say goodbye to him again.

Why am I watching this, you wonder? Because my satellite doesn't work. Very frustrating.

A few days ago, the program I was watching was interrupted with an error message that says something like "downloading program information". I didn't pay any attention to it because I was going to bed, anyway. Friday night, it was still doing it so I called Dish Network. Our neighborhood has a contract with Dish Network. It's not the normal type of Residential stuff, this is Commercial stuff for some reason.

I called Friday night and explained that I was getting an error. She didn't do anything! She had me push some buttons on my remote to make sure I was getting a signal. Saying that she couldn't help me, we hung up. I called back a few minutes later, hoping to get someone else. No such luck. She checked with her boss and he authorized some other plan of action. It didn't work, so she set up an appointment for someone to come in to my house Sunday between 12 - 5. He got here and did nothing.

Remember how I said it's a commericial thing? Apparently, this guy was strictly residential. He didn't have authority to access the remote satellite dish. I tried explaining that the contract was a commercial thing and that the satellite was in a remote location. He seems to think I'm an idiot. He was like "Why did you call the commercial line?" He even felt the need to ask me if I was sure there was no dish on my roof. When I explained that I didn't know where it was, he questioned me again, saying that what I was saying made no sense.

Very helpful.

We aren't so far out in the middle of nowhere that we are secluded from modern technology. Stupid politics have made it so I can't get digital cable.

Sometimes, I hate Utah. Things are so backwards here.

Where to begin...

2008-09-05T20:02:00.000-07:00

I'm totally sucking at this blogging thing, Paula reminded me when she asked me about the MS thing.

Okay, so I went to a neurologist at the University of Utah. She said that she can say that I don't have MS (whew!). She thinks I'm having migraines and those "lesions" on my brain are probably blood clots...or something like that. She put me on some anti depressant, the side effects will take care of the symptoms I've been having. Except for they knock me out faster than a bottle of 80 proof vodka (I'm assuming. I wouldn't really know, of course!)

So that's good.

...

I started school last week to get my Bachelors in Accounting.

YAWN

It's an accelerated course through Steven's Henager and 40 of my credits have transferred. I should be graduating in no time.

...

Matthew turns 7 on the 22nd. Seriously, it seems like Jaysen and I just brought him home from the hospital yesterday. Now, he's in first grade. What the hell?!?

These are pictures from his first day of school.

The patch on the back of his back pack is Jaysen's Ghostrider patch.

...

Speaking of Jaysen, he'll be home for vacation next weekend. (!!!) I'm so excited! We've been together 9 years and I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think about seeing him again. The problem I always have with these short visits is my inability to live in the moment. I can't help but think things like "this time next week, he's going to be gone again" or "Matthew has no clue that daddy won't be here in a few days". I wish I could be like Matthew and just be happy with daddy for today. So, that's my goal. I'll let you know how that goes.

I wish we could go on an extravagant vacation. But, along with the rest of the nation, money is limited this go around. Besides finances, traveling by plane is utterly insane. We'll be sticking close to home for a few days and then we'll drive to Disneyland for Matthew's birthday. Matthew's already deciding which rides he needs to get on first. He's definitely his father's child.

1st on his list? Indiana Jones with Star Wars coming in a close second. He's going to be in Heaven.

Jaysen coming home means that we're a little over half way through this stupid deployment!!! When he left, I figured I would be perfectly fine because this isn't his first deployment. I should be a seasoned pro, right? Somedays, I feel like I'm falling apart at the seams. I'm grateful for modern technology that allows me to call him and we talk every couple of days. When the war first started, we went days, sometimes weeks without talking to each other. Now, we have email, video cams, and cell phones. (I don't know how our predecessors did it. I can't imagine going years with no contact. Even though life sucks sometimes, there is still so much to be thankful for.)

I can't wait to get my normal back. I really miss Jaysen. Life is so much easier when he is home. He's my sanity, except for when he's driving me crazy. Which is often. Maybe I'm so delusional with missing him, I'm beginning to forget about the small things that he does that makes me consider lesbianism and forget about men entirely. Like ...

I got nothing. But, I'm fairly certain there's something he does that drives me crazy. Contraire to popular belief, he's not perfect. He would like you to think he is, but he does things like...

Fine. He's perfect and I love him.

...

My classes are Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6 - 10 pm. That's four hours of lecture on finance after I get off of work at 5:00. My sister watches Matthew, so I have to pick him up from her house, come home, pack his lunch, iron our clothes, do the dishes and set up coffee for the next morning. Luckily, it's only every other day and I get a nice 4 day weekend from school. But, for those two days, I'm exhausted!

I love some of the ideas on flylady, but I think they were more geared toward stay at home moms. I think I'm going to start ironing Matthew's clothes a week in advance. And I will fix his lunch a few days in advance and put it in brown paper bags until they are ready for his lunch box.

So, that's it for now.

I will write more later and post pictures of our vacation.

Where is Heaven?

2008-08-03T08:26:00.005-07:00

Last Saturday, Matthew went to a birthday party and came home with three balloons. One of the balloons lost its string, so I told him to kiss the balloon and send it to Heaven. He kissed and hugged his balloon and then cried when it floated to the sky. "I really miss Grandma Mary!"

Sunday, Matthew was thinking really hard about something. With a thoughtful look on his face, he says "Mom, where is Heaven?"

What a loaded question! How do I answer a question that I'm not entirely sure of? Matthew is a space buff (thanks, Jay!) and was thinking that it might be a planet somewhere on the outer extremities of the Milky Way. Maybe he would understand if I compared it to the Avatar: The Last Airbender's spirit journeys. When grandpa died, I told him that Heaven was like Disney World without the long lines. But anybody who's been to Orlando could verify that though it is many things, Heaven is not one of them. Besides, he didn't ask what it is; he asked where it is.

I explained "you know, I think that Heaven is wherever you want to be."

"Mom, maybe Heaven is in your heart."

Wow. What a thought provoking response from such a little person.

After a few seconds of silence (which is an eternity for Matthew), he finished: "No, probably not. It would be hard for everyone to breathe in there."

Indeed.

The Tooth Fairy...

2008-08-03T08:26:00.004-07:00

It all started with this

If you look closely, there is a piece of thread tied to that door knob. The other end is tied to Matthew's tooth.

"Mom! I have a great idea!" He says. "Let's tie a string to my tooth and BAM slam the door. Then my tooth will fall out and the tooth fairy will come!"

It was a novel idea, but it didn't work out that way. He was too scared to actually slam the door. He'd seen it done on America's Funniest Videos and thought it sounded fun. Instead, he went to his room and twisted the tooth until it came out...because that's so much less painful.

Speaking of his room...

Earlier in the day, he dumped every toy he owns out on to his floor. We are talking legos, small men...everything. You couldn't see his floor for the layer of toys on it.

After he came down with the tooth in his hand, I explained that the tooth fairy would probably break her leg if she tried sneaking in to his room to put money under his pillow.

"Mom. The tooth fairy flies!"

Duh. Of course she does.

"Well, if she is small enough to fly" I explain, "then she will probably get lost in your toys and will never make it out. You better clean your room. I won't let the tooth fairy in the house if your room looks like that."

He ran up stairs and was gone for about half an hour. I heard toys moving and assumed that he was cleaning his room to surprise me.

But what did he do?

Admit it. You thought I was exaggerating about the toys, huh?

He created a trail so the tooth fairy would be able to find the way to his pillow. If you look closely, you can see arrows on the papers, pointing to his bed. No way the tooth fairy could get lost.

But it gets better.

He drew some money, an arrow and his name. I'm assuming that is so the tooth fairy would know the approximation of the location of his bed should she decide to excavate.

This story has a bitter sweet ending.

The tooth fairy had left a trail of her own arrows. They led him out of his room, down the stairs and to the shelves above our couch where $5.00 was waiting for him.

As for his room. It's clean now. That might have something to do with the fact that he has substantially fewer toys to dump out.

BREAKING DAWN SPOILERS

2008-08-03T08:26:00.002-07:00

Breaking Dawn is out! Yay! Not wanting to spoil the fun for others who may not have read the book, I haven't wanted to post about it. But, I'm certain that the Twilighters who wanted to read it have done so already. If you haven't read it, don't read this post. It is full of spoilers.

It's kind of random, but I have been dying to get this out.

...

First! OMG!!! I am so glad that Bella and Edward got to have fun swinging from the chandeliers. I was thinking "how in the hell did he leave bruises on her arms like that?" Then, I remembered that they were in the ocean. He was probably spinning her every which way in zero gravity. I'm so jealous!!!

...

Of course, she gets pregnant. I really didn't see that coming, at all. But how pissed off would you be if you were permanently changed for eternity immediately after giving birth? For crying out loud! She didn't even have time to get a decent waxing or tummy tuck and get the girls back up where they belong...men can be so thoughtless sometimes.

...

I am so glad that Jacob imprinted! I love Jacob even more than I did before. I'm glad that he didn't hook up with Bella. But I'm wondering how the human / vampire / werewolf children are going to work out.

The whole point of imprinting is to guarantee the werewolf gene will continue. Those are going to be some funky looking offspring. And you thought I had a face only a mother could love!

...

How weird is it that Renesmee and Bella kissed the same boy? How weird is it that dad asked mom to kill baby so that baby's soul mate could father another child with mom? I come from a dysfunctional family and even I think that is odd.

...

I love Emmett!!! Every time he said anything about sex, I was like "that's something I would have said!" And poor Edward! He had to spend a century listening to his brothers and sisters get it on with each other. If you thought vampire baseball was loud ...

...

Speaking of which...poor Bella is with a man that can read people's thoughts and he can't read hers. How convenient would that be to have a husband that just knew?

...

I can't wait until Midnight Sun. But Stephenie Meyer said that she wouldn't be able to live in Edward's head for an extended period of time because it's so sad and depressing. I agree. The portions of the story where he was ready to die were unbelievably depressing. I hated watching Edward suffer the way he was.

I'd like to see more of him being happy. I hope this isn't the end of the Cullen coven.

What is McCain thinking?

2008-08-03T08:26:00.001-07:00

I love McCain. He's an American hero and it's hard to hear his story without feeling a sense of pride and respect for him. At one time, I was torn between who I was going to vote for. But now, I'm so fed up with McCain's schoolyard tactics. His staff is destroying his campaign and he's letting them. I really can't believe that he's endorsing the latest ads.

First, he compared Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, saying that Obama is nothing more than a celebrity and ended with the question "is he ready to lead?" This ad was supposed to highlight the fact that Obama is interested in nothing more than being an international celebrity.

Here's the issue I have with this ad...

How is this ad indicative of McCain's leadership? It's not. McCain has no decent ideas and he knows America is itching for change. Instead of ponying up his playbook, he's diverting the spotlight and making wild accusations.

If you don't have any good plays, perhaps it's time to take your ball and go home.

Frankly, I think we need an international celebrity. The rest of the world HATES Americans. Seriously, they despise us. If we are going to get rid of our reputation of being bullies, we need to have someone in the office that the world can relate to.

McCain also has an ad out that paints Obama as a Messiah. It shows Moses parting the Red Sea and Obama's seal descending out of the heavens. For a second, I thought he was talking about the Bush administration and how untouchable they are. After all, they are on God's side and can do no wrong! Did I say they are on God's side? My bad. I meant that God is on their side...nobody is more powerful than PotUS.

But, I digress...

Is McCain really scared to show what he has to offer? Of course he is! It's more of the same. If the play isn't working for the fifteenth consecutive time, divert attention from yourself in the wildest way possible and pray that the audience doesn't notice you're banging your head against the wall...again.

The latest gaffe at Obama's expense comes from a comment that Obama made. Obama suggested that tire inflation could help with the energy crisis. And, it's true. Anybody with half a brain can tell you that your tire inflation has a direct effect on your car's gas mileage. And at over $4.00 / gallon, everybody should be looking for ways to stretch their MPG...that's the fiscally and environmentally responsible thing to do.

McCain's answer?

Very nice.

Please tell me, McCain, what is your energy plan? Do you have anything up your sleeve besides sarcastic remarks?

Here's an idea, Senator McCain...leave the funny stuff to the comedians. You should start acting like there's a country to run. I'm starting to get nauseated from all of this spin.

...

On a side note. I think I agree with Obama's energy plan. There should be a windfall profit tax. The oil companies are enjoying record profits while the rest of the economy is suffering. One only needs to read the headlines at msnbc.com to see how the economy is doing. It seems that everything is directly related to gas prices.

Now, it costs just as much to buy a gallon of milk as it does to buy a gallon of gas. If had $5.00 to your name and you had to choose, which would you buy?

I also think that there should be a war tax. During previous wars, Americans were asked to sacrifice on behalf of the soldiers and the nation was 100% behind those that were fighting. They bought war bonds and they planted gardens so that more food could be sent to the troops. This time, I think most Americans are oblivious to the fact that there is still a war raging.

AND

I don't think that the surge worked. Sad, but true. Yes, there is a lot of progress being made in Iraq. But the purpose of the surge was to establish democracy and that hasn't happened yet. But now, the Iraqi government wants us out. I think it's time to pack up and go home. But, I know that even when they come home from Iraq, there's still a war happening and soldiers dying in Afghanistan.

Multiple Sclerosis

2008-07-28T17:50:00.001-07:00

I've been asked to keep people updated on my health.

So far, here's what I know.

The spinal tap came back negative for MS. Apparently, 5% of all MS patients have negative taps. My neurologist's LPN doesn't want to diagnose with a negative tap. She wants me to wait a few more months and come back after the symptoms are a little more pronounced. I'm not a doctor and I don't play one on TV. However, I think this is an unacceptable answer.

This is where I think it's important to listen to your body. I'm 28 years old! I'm too young to be old and crippled. I know there is something not right. I just know there is. Too bad many in the medical field won't accept "I just know" as a symptom.

I understand that doctors have to be skeptical of patients that come into their office. Anybody that has been in the Army can tell you that only the weak minded get sick. I still have the mentality that if you go to the doctor, you must be trying to get out of work. That's awful and inaccurate, of course. But that's how I look at things and I believe that's how doctors look at patients.

Even if I were faking my symptoms (and I'm not), how could I fake the lesions on my brain? If the spinal tap came back negative for MS, shouldn't we be proactively trying to figure out what is causing the lesions, why my right leg feels like it's on fire, my right arm has electrical pulses shooting through it and my right eye is twitching uncontrollably? I'd like to have answers and telling me to wait until the symptoms get worse isn't the answer I want.

I'd be a little more placated if she told me that they were researching what other possibilities are. But, as it is, we are just sitting here doing nothing. We aren't making any progress in diagnoses or in treatment. I'm sitting stagnant, waiting for someone else to take the initiative to find an answer. And if I don't stand up for my health, who's going to?

Here's the thing. I don't want MS. I don't know anybody who has MS that says they asked for it. I am shocked at how many people have said that if I didn't go to the doctor, I would be fine. They are surprised to hear that I am pushing for a diagnosis, asking why I want to be told that I have MS. What I want is an answer. I would like to know why my head is fuzzy, why I lose simple words, why do I get dizzy and how come my face alternates between tingles, numbness and pain.

I sent copies of my medical records to the neurology department at the University of Utah for a second opinion. I have an appointment in two weeks and I have never been so excited to see a doctor! I will be sure to post what they say.

On a side note:

I had to collect my medical records to submit to the U of U. I started with the initial visit to the ER. My husband and I had gone to the movies, where we had a large soda and popcorn. After I got home, I passed out...sort of.

I could hear what he was saying, but I couldn't respond. I wanted to get off of the floor, but I couldn't. I couldn't count to 10 without difficulty and my limbs were suddenly heavy.

After CAT scans, EKGs, urinalysis, and blood work I was sent home. (If they had ordered an MRI, I wouldn't have spent the next year being misdiagnosed with Meneire's.) I couldn't sit up on my own without Jaysen helping me and I spent the next five days laying flat on the couch. I couldn't walk across the floor unassisted. I had to crawl across the floor to get to the bathroom. It was as though I had spent the morning shooting tequila and eating the worm.

Imagine my shock when I read that "the patient reports feeling alot better" on my medical records from that visit. How can they say that when I didn't feel better at all?

Breaking Dawn and Other Stuff

2008-07-28T17:50:00.000-07:00

We are down to the wire, people!!! Four days until Breaking Dawn and I can't wait!

A few months ago, my friend Alisha asked me if I have ever read Twilight. A love story about vampires? No, thanks. I think I'll pass.

I happened to be in the book store Memorial Day weekend and found Twilight for something like $8.00. I figured if I hated it, I was only out $8.00. I took it home and found my brand of heroine. I love these books. There are some things that bother me about them, but for the most part I love them.

You've been warned...

Seriously. Stop reading if you don't want to know.

Things I'm waiting for in Breaking Dawn (in no particular order). Keep in mind this is pure speculation and should not be taken as Twilight gospel. I don't have an advanced copy and don't know for sure if this is how it's going to go...these are just my theories.

The wedding. Stephenie Meyer told Entertainment Weekly that there is going to be a wedding early on in the book. She's also said before that these characters are like her children. I don't think she'd be happy with Bella eloping. I'm betting she's going to have a fairy tale wedding.

I was right!!! The wedding was beautiful and she didn't even fall down the stairs.

Jacob's imprint. There have been a few comments made about Jacob not imprinting yet. This could be insinuating that he will find his gravity. He hasn't met Angela after his tranformation, which could be the key for his imprinting. I'm hoping he'll imprint on her. I don't think SM will leave him lonesome and unhappy. For one, she loves Jacob. Two, millions of Jacob lovers would be mad at her.

I was so wrong, I couldn't have been more wrong! But now, I love Jacob even more than I did before!

Phil. There's something fishy about Phil. Why haven't we met him yet? Even when Bella went to his house, he was conveniently gone. But Edward would have smelled him if he were a vampire, so I don't know what he could be.

What in the hell is going on with Renee and Phil? We barely got to know them in the saga. We are satisfied with the Charlie ending, but what about Renee?

The Volturi. A Cullen / Quiluete truce could have the power to take out the Volturi.

I was right, sort of. I would have loved to see a HUGE action scene...maybe next time. (Aw, come on. You know there's going to be a next time!)

The pawn / queen cover. I don't know a whole heck of a lot about chess. I do know that pawns are expendable and nobody is more powerful than the queen. Maybe Bella's destiny is to be the most powerful vampire. She's very intuitive. I think that her powers will be stronger than Edward's and Alice's. And I think that their involvement in her life is a mere stepping stone.

That's still up for debate. She was powerful. Having said that, I wouldn't want her power. Edward's would be nice. Then I'd be justified in slapping my husband upside the head every once in a while. "What? What did I do?" He'd say. "Oh, you know what you did!" LOL

The smell of blood nauseates Bella. I don't think she's going to have a hard time with the transformation, at all.

I'm beginning to think these books were a little predictable. There was a ton of surprises though. This was not one of them.

We know that the Denali clan are involved in the story. We will meet Tanya. Whether that's good or bad, I don't know. I hope it's after the wedding. Although, knowing Alice, she probably invited them.

That was one of my favorite parts of the book. Stephenie Meyer actually leaked a quote before the book was released. "Tanya: 'Ah, Edward. I've missed you.'" When I read that, I thought "That bitch!!!" But, Tanya's not so bad once she's been put in her place. But it makes me wonder what was said between Edward and Tanya before that made him so embarrassed to admit she had the hots for him?

I think that the Volturi will give Edward the ultimate ultimatum. They will do something that could kill Bella. Jacob will be there and will beg Edward to change her so that she doesn't die. When she's super-Bella, the Quiluetes and the Cullens will take down the Volturi.

Okay, so her transformation wasn't as dramatic as I thought it would be. I'm glad Jacob got to be there for it. And that kick administered to Rosalie's gut was awesome! Ya know, I still don't like her.

I'd like for Bella to be bitten during the honeymoon. There's something sickeningly romantic about that. I won't go into detail or anything. Grey's Anatomy once had an episode on how the endorphins or something released during sex act as a pain reliever. I've actually had doctors tell me that (don't ask). Maybe it won't hurt nearly as bad if Edward is as good as I think he is...

Grey's was right about the pain reliever. Apparently when done with a vampire, it also acts as a mind stopping drug. You would think that she'd be able to remember just how the bruises got there.

~edited 09 August 2008

How does this blog thing work?!?

2008-06-22T17:38:00.000-07:00

I'm doing a horrible job of updating this blog. Please forgive me!

Health update:

My neurologist's LPN informed me that the spinal tap came back negative for MS. Which should be good news, but it's not. 5% of all MS patients have negative tap results. Now we are up for more tests. I asked her if we were going to ignore the lesions on my brain and the other symptoms. She said "Yes. For now."

Say what??? I'm not a doctor but I don't understand the logic involved by ignoring the symptoms. It seems like they should probably be treating the symptoms, not ignoring them.

Now, I am trying to collect my medical records for a second opinion.

Deployment news:

Jaysen is doing good, I guess. I talk to him almost every other day. We don't really have that much to talk about. He either can't tell me or doesn't want to talk about what's going on. My life isn't all that interesting. I can sum up my day in less than 15 minutes. But, I am still thankful that he's more available than he was before.

This deployment is better than the others in that respect. When the war first started, we didn't hear from our soldiers for a few days. There was no way of knowing if they made it okay. We usually found out because the commander would call the rear detachment and then they would spread the word. Now, he has a cell phone! He is able to call any time he has a minute without waiting in line. And he has his own internet connection. Thank God for modern technology!

Matthew:

Matthew is doing fine. I surprised him with a skateboard a few weeks ago. He figured out it isn't as easy to ride as he thought it would be. He did get some use out of it, though.

"Spiderman, Spiderman. Does whatever a spider can."

"Look! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman!"

I wasn't going to say anything, but...

2008-05-06T18:45:00.000-07:00

Around this time last year, Jaysen and I went to the movies. I had drank a large Mr. Pibb and we shared a bucket of popcorn. After we got home, I started feeling a little lightheaded. Before I knew it, I was on the floor. The room wouldn't stop spinning and I was feeling very disconnected. Thinking I had just slipped or something, Jaysen said something like "Okay, you can get up now. Jonnie?" I remember seeing him and wishing I could answer. My limbs felt ... heavy and I was confused. I had difficulty counting to 10 and I couldn't even sit up straight without help. Jaysen had to hold me up. I felt like I had had waaay too much to drink. Of course, I knew that wasn't the case.

Jaysen rushed me to the emergency room where they ran a CAT scan, EKG, and tested me for things like diabetes and made sure I wasn't having a stroke. All of the tests came back normal but I still couldn't even sit up straight. They sent me home with nothing but a $2500.oo bill.

A couple of days later, I went to an ENT who diagnosed me with Meneire's and told me to cut back on sodium and eliminate caffeine. Never wanting to be dizzy again, I did what he said. But a year later, I still have headaches and dizzy spells.

Finally, my doctor ordered an MRI. Previously, doctors have either called in a "everything is fine, we'll see you at your next appointment" or sent a cute little postcard saying "your tests have come back normal". That didn't happen this time. My doctor actually called and left a message that said "This is Dr. Hatch, I was hoping to catch you. I will call you again tomorrow."

Apparently, my MRI was "inconclusive". But, it wasn't really. It was conclusive, it's the doctors that aren't.

The radiology report reads "There are multiple small T2 signal foci within the centrum semiovale and periventricular white matter. These are nonspecific in appearance, and although are very common in older individuals, they are quite advanced for patient age. There are no lesions which are very specific for demyelinating disease. Differential diagnosis includes demyelinating disease [but didn't he just say otherwise?!?], early changes of small vessel ischemia which can be seen in the setting of diabetes or hypertension, or less likely vasculitis. These findings can also be seen in the setting of chronic migraine headaches."

The neurologist pretty much narrowed it down to Multiple Sclerosis (a form of demyelinating disease) or migraines without even looking at the MRI images. She also mentioned something about blood clots. Then she put me on an aspirin regimen to prevent an ischematic stroke.

They've run other tests to rule out diabetes, hypertension, and vasculitis. Last week, they drew gallons of blood (okay, it was only 8 viles...but it seemed like a lot at the time!) to check for migraines.

I'm thinking "for crying out loud!!! I'm only 28!!!"

This deployment has been the most trying one, by far. Jaysen was barely gone a month when Grandpa died. And now this.

Initially, I wasn't going to say anything. But this is quite scary for me and the more I keep it in, the harder it gets for me.

My next neurology appointment is May 22nd. I am hoping and praying to God that it is only migraines. But, I'm coming to terms with the fact that it might not be. I suppose I'll just have to cross that bridge when it's time.

A few months ago, I was telling Grandpa how unfair life can be. He told me that God is building character, making us stronger. I'm thinking "God, aren't I strong enough? Haven't I been through enough trials? Anybody can tell you I have enough character!!!" I can hear Grandpa chuckling, "Apparently not. He'll let you know when you've had enough."

I love Matthew, seriously

2008-05-04T11:01:00.000-07:00

I honestly and truly love Matthew. He's always telling me that he loves me and that I'm his best friend. There are times when it would be faster for me to run into Wal-Mart and grab a gallon of milk without him offering to put toys in the basket for me. (He's such a big help!) But I haven't had a moment where I've been ready to pull my hair out because of him.

I enjoy taking him to the movies, or walking with him around the neighborhood. I really like my son. I feel a little guilty that I am here to enjoy him and Jaysen's not.

Before Jay left, he promised Matthew that they'd make chocolate chip cookies together. When he asked where the stuff was, I pulled out each of the ingredients. I think he was a little surprised to learn that it doesn't always have to come ready to bake.

(I was surprised that I had that many ingredients in my cupboard!!! Seriously, there's a reason Jaysen was assuming that everything comes ready to bake.)

I'm glad that they baked the cookies that way. It's all about the memories and there is nothing fun about cutting the cookies apart and baking them. Mess = fun.

Politics ... oi!

2008-05-04T10:27:00.000-07:00

The other day, this guy in the office starts talking politics. Which is fine, except for I completely and totally disagree with everything this guy says!!! Of course, when he says it, it's like he is absolutely right and there is no other possible solution in the entire universe.

He was talking about this Reverend Wright and how Obama took too long to denounce what Wright said. Honestly, I don't care what the Reverend said. And I doubt that the rest of America does, either. I think Obama's opponents are trying to nit pick and find things to blast him with. And he has said before that he disagreed with what Rev. Wright said. Why can't we just move on to more important topics?

It's fantastic that there is a black man and a woman that has an honest to goodness shot at the white house. However, I think it's abhorrent that they are taking pot shots at one another when what they should be doing is trying to take down McCain. McCain is a pretty good spot right now, the two Democrat contenders are tearing each other down and he doesn't have to lift a finger. He's looking rosier by the minute.

Personally, I like John McCain. He's a true hero and the only one of the candidates that truly understands what is being asked of the soldiers and their families. He gets it. Unlike President Bush, he knows that soldiers aren't a renewable resource. Depending on who he asks to be his running mate, I might just vote for him. But, I'm tired of this administration.

I'm sick of the mafioso attitude that if you openly disagree with them, you'll be taken care of (remember Joseph Wilson?). I'm glad that there is less than a year of Bush left. He doesn't care about this country or her people. He is only out for himself and his cronies, same for his puppet master, Cheney. If McCain chooses somebody that is currently in this administration, I will absolutely not vote for him.

So, who can beat McCain?