Living in the Moment

"I wasn't in the moment. If I'd stayed in the moment, if I'd stayed present, I would have been okay, but I didn't. I was thinking about where we're going next. So I left the moment just when I should have been completely in the moment, which is when people usually leave the moment, but the moment is just too much for, which is pretty much always too much. I was thinking about where we're gonna go next" (Charlie Crews, Life on NBC).

...

 "Life" on NBC is our new favorite series.  It was cut short last season because of the writers' strike, but it was on long enough for me to fall in love.  It is my escape.

Since Jaysen has been home, life has been easier.  I like having him here.  Today, I watched as Jaysen and Matthew played in the pool together.  They act as though the last 6 months never existed and ten days from now is actually an eternity from now.  I tried to memorize every minute detail.  The smile on Matthew's face as he's riding on daddy's back, being pulled across the water.  Matthew's laughter as he anticipated Jaysen's next move when he sunk below the surface.  

On a side note.  Matthew is the unstealthiest attacker, ever.  He whispered in my ear "Mommy.  Let's go get daddy."  We nonchanlantly mosied over to Jaysen's side of the pool.  I could see Matthew's grin and I was directly behind him.  Trying not to reveal our plan, Matthew clasped both hands over his mouth, trying to contain the escaping giggle.

I still don't know how Jaysen figured us out.  ;o)

...

You know, we've done this deployment routine too many times to count.  And it never gets easier.  The thought of him walking away from us at the airport physically hurts me.  It's like there is this hollowness in the pit of my stomach.  Try as I might, I can't make that feeling go away.

I know that I have to learn to live in the moment.  That is easier said than done.  

My goal for the next (refusing to count on my fingers) few days is to just be here, be in the moment.  I am going to enjoy what time we do have with him and laugh as often as I can.

I will let you know how that goes.