I wasn't going to say anything, but...

Around this time last year, Jaysen and I went to the movies. I had drank a large Mr. Pibb and we shared a bucket of popcorn. After we got home, I started feeling a little lightheaded. Before I knew it, I was on the floor. The room wouldn't stop spinning and I was feeling very disconnected. Thinking I had just slipped or something, Jaysen said something like "Okay, you can get up now. Jonnie?" I remember seeing him and wishing I could answer. My limbs felt ... heavy and I was confused. I had difficulty counting to 10 and I couldn't even sit up straight without help. Jaysen had to hold me up. I felt like I had had waaay too much to drink. Of course, I knew that wasn't the case.

Jaysen rushed me to the emergency room where they ran a CAT scan, EKG, and tested me for things like diabetes and made sure I wasn't having a stroke. All of the tests came back normal but I still couldn't even sit up straight. They sent me home with nothing but a $2500.oo bill.

A couple of days later, I went to an ENT who diagnosed me with Meneire's and told me to cut back on sodium and eliminate caffeine. Never wanting to be dizzy again, I did what he said. But a year later, I still have headaches and dizzy spells.

Finally, my doctor ordered an MRI. Previously, doctors have either called in a "everything is fine, we'll see you at your next appointment" or sent a cute little postcard saying "your tests have come back normal". That didn't happen this time. My doctor actually called and left a message that said "This is Dr. Hatch, I was hoping to catch you. I will call you again tomorrow."

Apparently, my MRI was "inconclusive". But, it wasn't really. It was conclusive, it's the doctors that aren't.

The radiology report reads "There are multiple small T2 signal foci within the centrum semiovale and periventricular white matter. These are nonspecific in appearance, and although are very common in older individuals, they are quite advanced for patient age. There are no lesions which are very specific for demyelinating disease. Differential diagnosis includes demyelinating disease [but didn't he just say otherwise?!?], early changes of small vessel ischemia which can be seen in the setting of diabetes or hypertension, or less likely vasculitis. These findings can also be seen in the setting of chronic migraine headaches."

The neurologist pretty much narrowed it down to Multiple Sclerosis (a form of demyelinating disease) or migraines without even looking at the MRI images. She also mentioned something about blood clots. Then she put me on an aspirin regimen to prevent an ischematic stroke.

They've run other tests to rule out diabetes, hypertension, and vasculitis. Last week, they drew gallons of blood (okay, it was only 8 viles...but it seemed like a lot at the time!) to check for migraines.

I'm thinking "for crying out loud!!! I'm only 28!!!"

This deployment has been the most trying one, by far. Jaysen was barely gone a month when Grandpa died. And now this.

Initially, I wasn't going to say anything. But this is quite scary for me and the more I keep it in, the harder it gets for me.

My next neurology appointment is May 22nd. I am hoping and praying to God that it is only migraines. But, I'm coming to terms with the fact that it might not be. I suppose I'll just have to cross that bridge when it's time.

A few months ago, I was telling Grandpa how unfair life can be. He told me that God is building character, making us stronger. I'm thinking "God, aren't I strong enough? Haven't I been through enough trials? Anybody can tell you I have enough character!!!" I can hear Grandpa chuckling, "Apparently not. He'll let you know when you've had enough."